Author: benjancewicz

Song playing: Usher – U got it Bad

Aloha!

I sent it. The letter to Caroline is on it’s way, and she’ll probably get it at least by the end of the week. Whether or not I get a reply or not, I feel better. I feel like at least I didn’t completely give up on something beautiful without giving it one more chance. A reclamation of a friendship is all I seek. And if she doesn’t want it, I’m ok with that. I’ve healed.

I talked to Inya on Monday night. I rode my moped down, but it actually proved beneficial because I ended up having to speed back because I had to talk with Reverend Thomas after Gospel Choir. I caught up with her just at Frey, and walked the rest of the way to Bittner. We got there, and spent about a half an hour talking about Thanksgiving break in the stairwell. It was such a nice feeling, knowing that someone would want to spend that kind of time… just to talk to you. The night was bitter, but I didn’t feel a thing the whole way home.

Got to talk to Nina some more on IM, it turns out we may be in the same class for either J-Term or Spring Semester. She might be going to a grad school in Hawaii! I’m so jealous.

Grace came by yesterday, it was her birthday. I guess no one else remembered. 🙁 Poor girl. I had sent her a card, so she came over and talked a bit. She’s been through so much trash, it’s not funny. She reminds me of some of the girls from home. It’s nice to be able to talk to her, though. She’s such a dedicated friend.

I called Inya tonight, and oddly enough, she also called me earlier. But apparently one of my knucklehead roommates answered the phone and told her I wasn’t here.
Anyhow, Christmas Tradition is coming up. It’s a very fancy and very expensive dance & dinner put on by the college. Everyone always dresses up to the max and goes to this thing.
Naturally, in our talking, the topic had come up between Inya and I. And though I didn’t mean to, I think I brought up the topic a few too many times. Plus, rumors are flying around the International circles about the two of us (mostly exaggeration’s), and so the combination of those two with both of us thinking about the situation far too much escalated the dance into much more than a simple get-together with friends.
I thought it might be a good idea to give her a call and make sure everything was ok. Interestingly enough, she thought the same thing, which is why she had attempted to call me. She was really flustered, because I still don’t think she’s ready to tackle these things head on. It was turning into a whole masquerade in which she knew she would be watched by all her friends as to who she danced with and who she hung out with. And I hadn’t really helped by repetitively bringing it up, because she thought perhaps I had ulterior motives.

I vowed to go stag to every dance and never actually invite anyone unless the relationship was already established. Dances are no place for first dates, or to test anything out. They’re just too volatile.

However, she made a similar vow that she simply wouldn’t go, unless it was with someone she really liked. And the thing is, I almost asked her to go, and was ready to buy her a ticket, but I didn’t want to put too much pressure on her.
Inadvertently, however, this put even more pressure on her because it left her attempting to figure out all the possible scenarios I might have ulterior motives for.

Now, she’s going. But she’s going because all her friends are going (not because of me) but she was afraid of what might happen if I asked her to dance.
So, I talked to her and let her know I wasn’t planning to make any kind of brash move like that unless I was asked for me. I’ve made my point of view clear enough, I don’t need to insult her intelligence by pulling something stupid or to try and manipulate her into a situation like that. The thought makes me shudder.

In any case, I’m going, and I was able to smooth things out, and she seems quite a bit more comfortable… with me at least. 🙂 I’m happy for that.

I’ll probably be going to Bangkok House for dinner rather than the one at the dance, because it looks like that’s what the people I’m riding with will be up to.

We’ll see what happens. I’m so glad we’re such good friends, though. It just… makes me feel good to be able to be that open with someone… and have them understand.

I’ve got to get to bed, I need to get up early for ceramics tomorrow.

Aloha!

Song playing: Bryan Adams – Run Free

I am with my parents at their temporary house in Connecticut.

Had an abrupt conversation about my band’s main venue playing in bars. My mom doesn’t like it. My dad understands it. I wish my parents would talk with me more, it’s just that they don’t seem how to. Over a monopoly game, my mom suddenly asks me if I had a girlfriend. I was kinda shocked. I said no, but was rather struck by the way she brought it up. But then… that’s how she asks me about anything she’s nervous to talk to me about… But I didn’t know how to make her un-nervous. I don’t mind talking about such things at all, and I kinda wish I could confide about Nina, Inya and Caroline.

Inya asked me about Nina the other day, and what our relationship was.
Wait, rewind.
That movie we were going to watch… well, it never happened. We were going to see Spellbound, but she was working on some important classwork instead. However, she called me when she was done. I loved that. 🙂 We talked for a long time.
And then… Monday? no Tuesday she came over with her laptop. It had funky spyware on it, and she needed help getting it off. So, she hung out in my office and we talked… until 1 AM … 🙂
She caught on that the poem I read at the poetry night was about her. Which is kinda funny, because she didn’t realize it at first, and pestered me about who the girl in the poem was.

Anyhow, she asked me who Nina was, and asked me what had happened between us, an so I told her about how I had messed up.
She understood, oddly enough. She seems to understand how I work. Which is understandable, I guess, since she’s known me for so long. But it’s… tingly. Not exactly scary, not exactly exciting. In between.

Anyways, right after that, Nina and I had a really good conversation. Over IM, of course, but I was able to rebuild some of the things I had messed up, and got a chance to apologize.
It’s kind of odd, Nina and Inya have both forgiven me for some stuff that in my opinion they shouldn’t have… I was quite the jerk, I messed up really bad on both occasions, even though it was accidental.
But, they did.
And I am eternally grateful. It’s helped me recover two very good friendships.

Now, I have to go finish the letter I’m writing.
… to Caroline. Inya gave me some advice, she said it didn’t have to be long in order for it to have significance. It could be short, and even the fact that I wrote it would have significance.

She’s made a good point. Doesn’t make it any easier to write, but at least that part is cleared up.

Oh, Chamindo, why do all these things happen at the same time?
Give me wisdom, give me peace, give me love.

Song Playing: Cracking the Russian Codes – James Horner
Fantastic song for dizzying thoughts…

Aloha!

This is going to be a quick one, because I have much else to write tonight before I go to bed.

My father and I went out to visit pawn shops today, and in New London we finally found what I was looking for. I ended up buying a Canon EOS Rebel 2000 (it’s a 35mm SLR camera) with a 28-200mm telephoto lens for 170$. I worked the dealer down from it’s original price of 200$. I looked later online, and the telephoto lens ALONE is worth 150$!! I was quite pleased, especially since I had been given a total of 170$ by various aunts uncles and grandparents for Christmas. My father bought me a case, lens filter, lens cover and a bunch of film to go with it. I’m sooo excited to use it. 🙂

We got home, and I found about 5 or 6 messages from Inya. Apparently she doesn’t have a whole lot of privacy from her uncle and her sister in Philly, and it was quite the struggle for her to finish an e-mail. Like I said, I had written her a list of questions with my responses to hers, and so I guess it took her a while to work through them.

And the final answer on the most important question? Maybe.
She still is unsure if she is falling in love with me, but she seems willing to find out. What I’m gathering was that it’s a little awkward for her explaining everything out in e-mail, and that she’d rather talk about it in person. This is a tremendous relief for me, because I feel the same way. I can tell a lot about a person by looking in their eyes.
So, what will happen, I don’t know.

One of her questions was how much I’d be willing to change for someone I loved.
It’s an interesting question, because I am both completely flexible and completely steadfast in two areas. In faith and in personality, I am steadfast. In manner of dress, language, appearance, and in the way I carry myself, I am complete Chameleon.
I am guessing that she’d like to change the way I dress, and perhaps my physique. My clothes are currently a mix between being a street thug, skater boy, and the occasional preppy sweater. And in summer, I wear Hawaiian shirts. How much she’d be willing to change, I’m not sure. But I don’t have a whole lot of problems with it. I’m probably most attached to the Hawaiian shirts, but even they can be worn formally. One thing I’m probably not going to do is cut my hair, though.
In terms of physical appearance; I say go for it. I’m not the most athletic, though I used to be. I’d love incentive to get running, swimming or lifting again. I simply haven’t because I’ve been giving the excuse I haven’t got the time.

Now, I know some of you are going to protest and say “don’t let a girl run your life!”
Well, nuts to you. Like I said, I’m a complete Chameleon. I change my outer appearance occasionally for fun ANYWAYS. If she’s going to help me have a better sense of class in dress, I’m all for it.
She’ll probably have to do it gradually, though, because too big of a change might throw me (and my friends too) off a bit.

My family went out a party with people from church, and that’s what I just got back from, so now I’m going to go write to her.

So, yeah. I’m happy. I’m falling in love. I’m not completely in yet, but it won’t take much more. I still don’t know where this is going, but I trust God’s in control. I just need to keep my eyes on him.

Song Playing: I gotta find peace of Mind – Lauryn Hill

Aloha!

At the risk of moving that insanely long journal post to the bottom of the stack, I write a new one.

And today was pretty boring too. 😛

Got up and went for a walk early this morning. Everyone had already left the house for their last day of school, and I was alone in the house. I wasn’t very hungry, so I grabbed my sketchbook and headed out the door.

Occam, Connecticut, where my parents are staying temporarily while my sister completes her last year of high school, is a pretty dead place. There is a dam with a waterfall about 100 feet wide, and so I explored around there for a while. Lots of very bad graffiti. Not bad in the sense it was vulgar, it was just poorly done. Suburban misfits trying to be ghetto.
The town was originally founded because of a huge mill of some sort, which has since been demolished. The foundation still remains, though, and it was interesting to walk around in. It’s just a gigantic factory floor in the middle of a vacant lot with weird trees growing out of the seams of the concrete. The growth was strange; twisted trees with pods and vines and pricker bushes. Inhospitable, but dry and dead in the winter light. Reminded me of the ghost town of home.

I passed the factory, and began walking along the main street, but didn’t get very far before my Dad drove by. I stuck out my thumb and rode home with him.

I’m finding I miss Inya. It’s not an extreme pining, not a miss-you-so-much I can’t think-sleep-eat-breathe thing,,, I simply miss her. She’s fun to be around. It’s even fun to have the POTENTIAL of being around her. I’m not sure how to describe it without sounding like a dang fool.
I’ve been reading “The Mis-Education of the Negro”, and am over half way through it. Listening to sad songs by Lauryn Hill and Nora Jones.
I made up my mind to e-mail her when I got back tonight.

My family decided to go out to see LOTR 3 after lunch today; since my brother and sister only had a half a day of school. I decided to come along as well.
We ate egg salad sandwiches on the way. Barrett, my sis’ boyfriend came along too.

It was cool seeing it again, but I had a headache by the time we got out. Not sure why. Maybe the first time was just so good… 😉

And guess what I came home to. She wrote to me. 🙂

I’m going to sleep now….

Aloha!

I need sometime by myself.
Reverse, rewind, replay, recharge. That’s what I need.
And sleep. That too.
But just to be able to regain composure, I need to go off on my own and just be with God for a while, and let him talk to me.

This sickness has made me cranky, which is not like me. I don’t like it, and it needs to stop. I’ve been getting irritated about small things, and when big things come along, they really tick me off.

In Senior Seminar today there was a war with blacks against whites, suburban vs. country. And it was sickening. They were arguing about such stupid things, it wasn’t even funny. It just reminded me of home and didn’t go over well with me. There was a lot of other stuff, but I don’t really want to talk about it. I have a very bad short term memory, and by the time I reread this journal entry I’ll have forgotten all about it.

I did go off on two people I shouldn’t have, though and let out a lot of anger and frustration that I had no right in letting out on them. I need to recompose myself. I don’t stay angry for very long, but if I get caught and interrogated when I’m steamed, I’ll blast anything in my way. They badgered me, and I went off. Their intentions were good, but I should have walked out and went to be by myself for a while. That would have been the smart thing.

It didn’t get any better, though.
Pagoda was supposed to play a show tonight, but all the boys neglected to tell their keyboardist of where and when we were meeting. So I wasted an entire afternoon bumming around the house and waiting for their call. Which never came. I should have pulled a Mike Franchina and let them come find me. I felt disgusted.

We finally did all meet up, and we played at the Appalachian Brewing Company. We tore the place down. We weren’t sure if they would let me in at first, but after talking with the bouncer a bit (who we later guessed owned the place) we got in. We got up, did our thing, and got down. And we rocked the house.

Our website is almost complete. I’ll be showing it all to you when it’s finished.

I hope I get to go with Inya to the movies tomorrow night.

Song playing: Nat King Cole – Walking my Baby back Home

Aloha!

Last Thursday there was another Poetry Night. THIS time, it was sponsored by the Multicultural Club. Lots more Africans and African Americans. I left Pagoda practice early to meet Inya there. She was reading one of her poems, and it was the very first time she had ever read to an audience. She blew the place away! She read about how the view of African dancing had been twisted in all sorts of ways that it was tough to define, and it we POWERFUL. It’s inspiring me. I think there’s an avenue I’ve missed… I think I can still see the world as beautiful and still bring a whole lot more power into my words, perhaps in the area of social change. I think the important thing is not to become angstful.

I read two pieces; Silent Softly Vivid Dream and Deja Vu.
Silent Softly Vivid Dream was the hit, and when I returned to my place amid where Inya and Victoria sat, they were fanning themselves and said “Dang! You need to tell us who this girl is!!”
I’m not sure how much Inya got from it… I’m still puzzling. But Victoria. Victoria told EVERYBODY! Of course, she has absolutely no clue who I was talking about in the poem. The only person who might guess would be Inya. But I was later confronted by almost all the African girls jokingly asking me who it was.

Pagoda played in Cornerstone Coffeehouse on Saturday, and we ROCKED the place. That is by far the most favorite place we’ve played yet… We debuted “Shake Your Fist”, “Man in the Movies” and “Almost Always”. We played an acoustic set, slowing it down a tad. That went over very very well. I feel a lot more comfortable with the songs I wrote. The crowd likes ’em! That’s a big relief for me. Saxton rapped in between me in “Love Song for No One At All”. We’re playing again this Thursday, and I hope to have a new song “Look Me in the Eyes” done by then.

Saxton had bronchitis, which, while it caused us to butcher our cover of “Zombie” by the Cranberries, also got me sick too when we switched mics. I’ve been battling the cold since then. It does make my voice deeper, though. More sultry. :boogie: I just hope it doesn’t hurt on Thursday.

Gospel Choir was tonight. I rode down on my skateboard again, rather than my moped… :boogie: I sang well for having a cold. 🙂 And since it’s all uphill from Climenhaga, I walked back with Inya, Idiki, Hope and D-Moss. And, as before, everyone branched off until it was just me & Inya walking. It was nice. 🙂

I’m so tired tonight, from being sick. I need to sleep, but I need to get my work done.

Caio!

Song Playing: Hans Zimmer – And then I Kissed Him

Aloha!

This weekend was beautiful, though it didn’t start out that way.
I had planned all week to go with Inya to the movies on Friday. We were going to go see Seabiscuit at the on campus theatre.
There was Gospel Choir on Friday to Rev. Thomas’ church, and Inya wasn’t sure if she wanted to go or not. I wasn’t planning on it, because of Bible Study at Rafiki house. She said she’d call me to let me know. I really didn’t have anything to do, so I just hung around the house with Agtur.
She didn’t call, and I went to Bible study. She still didn’t call. I bummed around the house, and kept getting restless. Finally, people started showing up at the house from Gospel Choir around 10 pm and I began getting hope. The movie had been delayed, and was going to start later, but I still didn’t hear anything from Inya.
I called her a couple of times, and finally got through.
Apparently, she had left a message with Agtur that she was going to the Choir. The same Agtur I had spent ALL AFTERNOON WITH. I could have killed him. It had just completely slipped his mind, I suppose.

It was amazing, though. We must have only spoke on the phone no more than 20 minutes and she cheered me right up. It was so nice. Everything just lifted off. She has that affect on me. We were joking and laughing so hard my sides hurt.
She was very beat from Choir, so she went to bed and we agreed to watch it Saturday.

I got my motorcycle registered Saturday morning, and as soon as I get a tank of gas I’ll legally be able to drive it anywhere I wish! 🙂
Saturday afternoon Pagoda practiced, and for the first time I felt really comfortable with Love Song for No One at All. It sounded really good, and Saxton sang WITH me. I liked that. It’s been tough, I felt like the band had treated it like ‘Ben’s song’ in which they appeased me by going along with it. It feels much more like a ‘Pagoda song’ than a ‘Ben Song’ now, which is what I like. I love to write music and figure out the message and chord arrangements, but I HATE stealing the show. And it seems like it’s working out.

As soon as I got home, Inya left me a message, saying she wanted to go to Min’s Birthday dinner. Min is a Taiwanese former student of Messiah who used to be in my year. She lives in Harrisburg now, and her boyfriend is Franchina; the bassist in Pagoda. I walked over to South Complex early, and Inya and I got to talk for a while before everyone showed up.

I had been to a Poetry reading on Friday evening that had bombed and I was feeling pretty disgusted about, so we talked about that for a while and about the stereotypical white “angst” poetry that I had such a hard time with. You can see the description in ” Photograph” if you want more info.

Finally everyone showed up and we went to Pakha’s Thai House in Dillsburg. The whole band came, as did a few international students. It was really good food, and I bought Inya’s dinner for her. She sat across from me, and it was nice to sit and talk with her. The band was at the other end of the table, and they carried on their merry selves. We were very appropriately seated.
It’s tough to recognize that I have so many different facets, and I like them all. There are just certain times for some, and certain times for others.

After that, Inya, Erin, Menkeh and I all went to see Seabiscuit.
It’s a pretty good movie. Predictable, but I don’t think I’ve seen such a predictable movie pulled off so well. Inya has an almost psychic sense of guessing the next event in a movie. I sort of do as well (though not as good as her) but I’m so naive I’m surprised anyways.
It was wonderful. She sat on my right (since I’m deaf in my left ear) and we talked and laughed about things we saw during the movie. It was so nice to be able to talk with her again, I feel so… comforted when I do.

Oie, I’ve got to go to bed. Big day tomorrow.

Song playing: DJ Bobo – Somebody Dance With Me

I might add, usually the songs listed in my journals most often are very relevant to the entry. Just a note… reread some if you don’t believe me. 😛

Sometimes my naivety really really helps. Because if I let myself, I can be so happy for the smallest reasons.
This week, I’ve gotten two meals a day for free. It’s been kinda nice. I’ve just been paying close attention to seminars and stuff on campus where there’s been free food, and have been fortunate enough to be able to attend.
But that’s not what’s made me happy.
Things seemed to have repaired with Inya. I made some pretty bad mistakes, and they’re seeming to heal better than ever. She was who I hung out with the most before I had told her that I had a crush on her. Things kind of fell apart after that, and I got smacked in the face for being honest (NO, not literally). I just jumped the gun. And consequently, shoved away my closest confidant. And my … best friend.

However, things changed this week. We merged in walkways, fall leaves blowing around us. I was happy. She was sweet. We talked a lot. Our classes faded and conversation flared. We walked. We parted. I met her again after gospel choir. I had rode my skateboard down rather than my moped for some reason, so for the first time in a while, I walked back. And I walked with her, Hope and Idiki. Idiki parted first. Then Hope. And I walked her to her dorm. The night was warm, so we just hung out in the courtyard and talked for over and hour. It was… nice. 🙂 She casually asked me if I knew what movie was playing. Bada bing. 🙂 We’re going to see Seabiscuit Friday night. I must say, I love watching movies with her.

It’s just… I feel so welcome with her. I’ve gotten over the feelings I had. They were premature, brash and a little awkward. A lot awkward.
I went through quite a bit, but God showed me I kinda needed to be more independent, and that I’ve been putting too much attachment into being in love. Of course; the break up with Caroline taught me that, but this helped drive it home.
So, I began working on becoming myself again. And it really helped. I fell lighthearted again. I feel comfortable with myself. Like fitting into a pair of jeans that are your perfect size.

She bumped into me this morning. I was up early, because I needed to work on ceramics, and went down to Eisenhower to get the movie tickets. The ticketmaster was busy, so I hung out in the Commons for a while. She bumped into me casually as I was looking at the movie posters. And we must have talked for a while.

I really value her friendship. It’s so refreshing, I feel at ease talking to her. She’s a wonderful person to listen to, but doesn’t leave you out of the conversation. She asks me my opinion and wants to know how I’m doing on stuff… It makes me feel happy. I usually don’t talk much in a LOT of conversation, unless it’s really close. Most people love to talk, so I simply egg them on and listen intently.

Conversely, things seem to be falling apart with Nina, at least over IM. I HATE IM. It’s so incredibly hard to read people over a digital medium. A lot of our conversations would have gone a lot better if I had been able to look her in the eye. I can’t feel her.
It seems like the friendship seems unstable at times, but then again we’ll talk more and everything will seem normal. *shrugs* I’m trying not to analyze it.

Yeah, I’m strange. At times I can read people’s feelings. And my dreams are prophetic. But what I’ve realized (from a good of mine, Saxton) is that I’m not weird. I’m abnormal. And if I was to be normal, I’d be like the rest of the shallow people in the world. I’m kind of glad I was built different.

I’ve got to get back to work, I have a ton.
But I’m feeling great, and had to get it down.

Song playing: Vertical Horizon – Everything you Want
Goo Goo Dolls – Iris

Aloha!

I had a dream last night.
Of those of you who have been keeping up with my journals, you know the significance of this.

It was raining.
Drizzling, maybe, very cold and nasty. It was… winter? At least approaching.
The building was large, maybe 11, 12 stories high. It was all brick, with moderate sized windows each evenly placed. It was shaped in a giant U, with a courtyard in the middle. The courtyard was terraced; the entire building had been set against a sloping hill. The sidewalks and young trees in it were perilously caked in ice, from the freezing rain.
I took the elevator up. She was on the .. 9th floor? She was somewhere near the base of the U; you could see both of the other sections of the building out her window.
I approached her door.
I was tired, it had been a long journey. I wore blue jeans, a sweater, a leather jacket.
It was open a crack. I listened. I heard her inside.
I pushed the door open.

There she was.
She looked at me wide eyed. Startled. She glanced at my eyes, and then away quickly.
“Are you ok?”
The first words out of my mouth. I was shocked. I was bewildered. Out of all the things I could have said; I said ” Are you ok”? It was almost… almost as if we hadn’t not spoken to each other for a full year.
“Y-yeah…” she stammered “I’m trying to figure out how to get all my clothes down to the laundry room.”
I stepped in.
It was a small dimly lit room, more of a dorm than an apartment. A kitchenette was on my left, a bathroom on my left. And directly in front me was a room that had her bed, a shelf, a tv, her couch… it felt like hers…
She had on her coat, as if she was going out. I opened my arms.
“Hi.” I said.
She moved into my arms suddenly. She wrapped her arms around me under my jacket, burying her head in my chest. The force caught me off balance, and sent us falling into the clothes on her bed.
I eased up, lifting us both back up again. She got up and looked away. “I wish I could be that strong” she said.
I looked down at her clothes.
“Need some help?”
She looked back at me, brushing her eyes. “Sure.” she smiled.
I began gathering up her clothes. ” You’re washing your pillows too?” I asked.
“Yeah, I guess.”
I began stuffing the clothes into the pillowcases, and she joined me.
I noticed Rufus still sat on her bed. I had given her the stuffed raccoon a long time ago. He looked loved.
She began cleaning up, emptying some garbage in a bag to take down with us.
“How are you?” I asked. I felt dumb, that was such an overused question.
“Ok.” she answered. “Grad school is hard, but I’m doing ok.”

We continued packing up in silence.
“Oh shoot.” she said, looking through her food. “They stole more food!”
I raised an eyebrow. “Who?”
“The cleaning people. They just hired this new guy who comes to clean our rooms, and I think he’s been taking food.” she picked through some of her bread. “I’m going to throw this away, it’s getting old.”

The door was still open a crack. A man came in, toting a vacuum cleaner.
I stood up and glared at him.
“Oh! Sorry…” he said, and retreated.
I started toward the door.
“Don’t hurt him..” Caroline came after me.
“That’s not good, Caroline. Maybe you could vacuum your own floor.”
She thought about this a moment, and nodded.
“Can you call the supervisor and ask about that?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
I followed her to the window where the phone was.
I looked out the window into the court yard. The window was open a crack just at the top. It was… it was changing…
She spoke on the phone, her head turned from mine.
Her hair…
Suddenly, I looked out the window, and saw what had changed. It was snowing. The miserable day had just become beautiful.
Snow flakes blew in, and landed in her hair. Tiny little ones, sparkling like tiny jeweled plates. I could see every part of their beauty as they landed on her straight black hair.
She hung up.
“It’s snowing.” I smiled.
Her eyes sparkled. She looked at laundry on the bed.
“Let’s go for a walk.” she smiled.
She put on some mittens and I took her hand.
“You know…” I pondered for a minute. “I seem to remember an ice cream shop in the square. Are you hungry?”
She smiled. “A little… but… Ice cream? In weather like this?”
I took her in my arms. “I think I’m warm enough, don’t you?”
She snuggled close. “Yah. Bears are always warm.”
“Especially Canadian ones.” I smiled.
She giggled.

I woke up.

I think this pretty much answers the ” where I’d most like to visit” question.
No question for today, I’m late for class right now, but I wanted to write this down.
I’ll have a question for you next journal entry.

I haven’t written the letter to her yet, but I’m pretty sure I know what I want to say now. 🙂

Song currently playing: Violin Concerto in D – Brahms

Aloha!

I had my Ceramic Mid-Term on Monday.
It went ok, I need help making the bottoms of my pieces. They’re just too dang thick. Everything else was good. Only half of my stuff was fired, however, so I hope I did ok in grades… 🙁

Gospel Choir is getting really good, we’re doing Total Praise. That’s a really awesome song, and now I’m the head of the Bass Section. I put in 150$, we’re getting robes. We’re singing in Reverend Thomas’ church on Sunday.

My Graphics prof shot down the graphics project that I’m currently working on. I have to basically refo the entire thing. By Thursday.
And then, when I get home, Saxton leaves me a message, asking me if I’m up for a show Wednesday night.

We had practice tonight, and the consensus was that they would do it without me.
Which I didn’t mind.
But.
But what I did mind was that we’re also having a show on Thursday.
A show Franchina (our Bass) might not be able to make.
And the band was very very reluctant to play without him.

I know.

I know a keyboardist and a backup vocalist isn’t nearly as important as a bassist in a Rock band.
But it kinda hurt.
I didn’t get much practicing done tonight, they played really really loud, and I couldn’t hear myself through my headphones.
Finally, I decided to leave, and bid them farewell. I rode off listening to the echoes of Love Song for No One At All resounding behind me.
That kinda hurt too.
Oh well. Sacrifices for the band, I suppose.
It makes me even more reluctant to teach them Man in the Movies, though.
Maybe I’ll let that slide some more before I break it out.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t gotten the Cd work done. Maybe it’s because I haven’t gotten the website up. Maybe it’s because I haven’t,,,,
Maybe it’s my own insecurities.
Maybe I’m already frustrated and need to get my mind on something else, like this project.

Anyhow, back to the questions.

Romance, I see romance as something wonderful. It’s what makes falling in love worth it. It’s akin in my mind to passion, except it’s got some extra zip of hormones in it. It’s being noble and sincere, it’s being caring and courteous, strong and sensitive. It’s the thing that true love (and consequently marriage) should never get enough of. That’s romance.

Next question, from Goals category. What place would you most like to visit?