Aloha!
Music Playing: And then I Kissed Him – Hans Zimmer
Things have been… interesting. But I still feel a calm in the middle of the storm.
Yesterday I went to my Uncle Jim’s with my family. Of course, he kept trying to one-up everyone. It seems he’s always trying to prove himself better. He’s the oldest son, for crying out loud! It was weird, of course, because no one knew who I was like. His brother in law was there, however, with his wife from Sweden. They were VERY cool to talk to.
I drew my grandfather. I did a pretty good job, but I stretched it out a bit because my sketchpad was flat. I’ll have to distort it later to get it to the right proportions. He liked it, though. 🙂
I got a very warm fleece from them.
Dad read us the Christmas story when we got home, and we just sat around the tree and talked a while. It was really nice.
This morning we opened our presents. I got lots of cool stuff, but not the one thing I asked for. All I wanted was a camera. But my parents aren’t doing so well financially, so I knew it was ok. I got the coolest glasses case form my brother. It flips in half both ways, but never comes apart. From my sister I got a beautiful dragon necklace. I also got a book on the making of Disney’s Fantasia and a book on the graphic design of the logo cartoon characters of the early 30’s and 40’s.
Inya and I have been writing e-mails back and forth every day. She seems to be having a very very rough time, I think mostly with figuring out her own feelings. She was being brutally hard on herself, and it pained me to see her do that.
She asked me if I was falling in love with her.
I said yes.
I knew I was. I had been. I had just been afraid. I wasn’t sure if she was falling in love with me. And I was afraid that I might be lining myself up to be hurt once again.
But finally I decided it didn’t matter. That what I felt was stronger than that.
I wrote back to her Christmas Eve, doing my best in comforting her. I told her how I really felt. I didn’t know what it might change, but I knew I had to be honest with her…
I did not sleep that night. All night long I worried about her, that she simply would be alright. I prayed that dreams might come. Any dreams. But nothing came.
She wrote back to me with a series of questions on Christmas Day. They were pointed, asking what I was looking for in a relationship. Where I would go after I graduated. What my goals in life were.
I was sitting at my computer when I got it, but when I read them, I knew I was going to need some time to think.
I quietly slipped on my sneakers and snuck out of the house.
I ran. As fast as I could.
I didn’t realize how out of shape I was. I decided I needed to run more.
I knew that deciding to run wouldn’t be enough, so I ran until I couldn’t run anymore and then kept walking.
And I explored. I found an ancient brook hidden away in the forest. It was happy, bubbling. A series of waterfalls crashed through it, and there was a small island with a big rock in the middle of it. I climbed and swung all around it. A dam had apparently been built there a couple hundred years ago, but it had since fallen apart.
I discovered a giant cement oil tank on the side of the road that was about 3 stories high. I climbed to the top of it.
I discovered a lean to hide out camouflaged in the forest, with supplies and tools hidden in it. There was a newspaper in it, the date read Feb. 2003.
I found a graveyard full of VW beetles. 6 or 7 of them looked like they had been dumped there and then the forest had grown in around them. Their bodies were rusted hulks, and they looked sad… neglected… I felt bad for them.
And I thought. Furiously.
I came back 2 hours later.
My mother was worried, of course. She told me to let her know if I was leaving the house again.
I guess she forgot how often I used to go off into the forest alone when I was at home…
I spent the afternoon writing back, and then just before I got done, my grandparents came over for Christmas Dinner. It was good to see them again, and they gave each of us 100$!!!! I was shocked. I’d never gotten that much money from anyone.
My dad hinted that we might go out and look at pawn shops for cameras tomorrow.
Finally, when they left, I finished up the letter.
I answered all her questions as best as I was able.
And I asked her some of my own.
I asked her if she was falling in love with me.