Song playing in my head: Have I Told You Lately that I Love You
I’m afraid. Afraid of myself. I think perhaps the love I have is more than even I can handle. I doubt anyone else could accept it.
I want to be held. To hold someone. To have someone tell me they love me so much. I need more than an internet :hug:. More than the hug from a parent. More than a hug from a friend. More than anything else I’ve ever felt. I need to be loved.
I need a release for passion. I need someone likes the attention. I need someone who likes me for me, and who I can be. I need this because I know I can give it in return.
The stars played games with me tonight. Deep grey clouds thundered over the sky. We had rain today, and the aftermath of the storm sent icy winds whipping.
It’s 12 midnight. I went out for a run. I could barely see the stars…
Orion has been following me around. Every night since Inya and I have been getting close, no matter where I am, no matter what time it is; I look up and I see Orion in the sky. Orion means a lot to me, God led me out of the wilderness with it once.
But it’s getting spooky. As unsure as I am that this thing between me and her might work, I keep getting reassured.
But I want to be loved!
I hate this stupid break. I hate not being able to talk to her. I hate the fact that I took years to figure out what true love is and how to express it and then nobody really wants it! I hate the fact that I’m white! I hate how it makes people see me differently, and make judgments on how I think. I hate being a member of a privileged race. I hate that being an obstacle between us…
I hate it when I’m like this.
I just want to be loved…
So much hate… so much love…
*sob*