My, it’s been a long time since I wrote a journal.
I don’t think I’ll go through the history of how I got to Groton, Connecticut, but I hope whoever is reading this will have access to either my old email account ( and my AOLIM files either on ZIP disk or as paper
That will explain a lot.
I very tired, and am leaving early tomorrow for Pennsylvania for a concert; Creation.
My Dad suggested starting up my journal for the trip. I’ll try to continue tomorrow. Good night!


Stella’s Birthday Card

I feel like an idiot.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been sending notes to Stella Pien via her locker. I started this because of a program by several teachers who picked various students and send them typed notes of encouragement, signing them, “Your Special Friend”.

The program lasted only one month, but my notes continued. Last Sunday, the 21st, was Stella’s birthday. I designed a pretty card on the computer with flowers on it, and wrote a short poem, signed it as usual; “Your very special friend”, and on Monday during lunch, popped it into her locker.

Later during lunch when all the local kids came back to the school, I was walking in the hallway. Stella and some of her friends were crowded around her locker. She saw me down the hall, and called out: “ᒋ ᐅᐤ, Ben?”, asking me if I wrote it.

Like a total ignoramus, I did nothing but blush deep red and reply “ᐊ?!?”.

Well, enough.
I’m tired.
Maybe it will work itself out…


I’m confused.

I know I’m in love, but I don’t know what Stella Pien expects of me. I don’t even know if she knows that I love her, or even cares.
She must know… word travels fast in Kawawa…

Donna Einish mentioned that Stella would accept being my escort, but as friends.

Ah. Of course.

But what are opposite-sex friends supposed to do? I barely know what same-sex friends do; which is to sufficiently say I have very little friends at all.

1999, Kawawachikamach, QC, Jimmy Sandy Memoria...
The three of us. The last of about 30 kids that made it to graduation… 1999, Kawawachikamach, QC, Jimmy Sandy Memorial School Gymnasium, High School Graduation, Johanne Chemaganish, Benjamin Jancewicz and Donna Einish (Photo credit: benjancewicz)

Donna is my friend, she confides in me and I in her. This friendship was started because we are in the same class and she often needs my help with some of her assignments. This friendship is occasionally jostled because of the untidiness of my desk and my occasional recklessness and curiosity.

Joanne Chemaganish is my friend; she confides in me and I in her. She appears to enjoy my company, and I hers. She’s much more lenient to my faults than Donna is…

And now back to Stella. We do not confide in each other, merely exchange occasional shy smiles in the hallway. So how to start up a conversation? Especially with 50 dozen ears roaming up and down the school? And what to talk about?

1999, Kawawachikamach, QC, Jimmy Sandy Memoria...
1999, Kawawachikamach, QC, Jimmy Sandy Memorial School Gymnasium, High School Graduation, Benjamin and Stella Pien (Photo credit: benjancewicz)

We’ve had a total of 2 “conversations”.
One was a shy embarrassed and blurted request on if she would go to the graduation ceremony with me as my escort, and if she would mind the colour navy blue as a dress.

The other was during a Bingo that we were both working at. We were alone, I was on guard duty to keep brats out of the school gymnasium, and she was taking a break from work.

There was a big soft office chair in the mudroom, and so I got up and offered it to her when she came in. We got to sharing complaints about how hard the work was, and she asked me about my friends.

I said I had a pretty lonely life.

“It might seem that way at first…” she began, but then someone crashed through the door and told her to get back to work.

The night creeps on, and I’m growing weary. I’ll continue at a later date.

October 7, 1997

Patrick Nattawappio hit me because he wanted to use my gloves.

Hi Miss!

I don’t know what to write. For my oral presentation, I mean. Just write about the place? Or write about the story I’m going to write?

I already started on the story, it’s going to be about a fishing boy named Pablo Trinidadé Da Costa, who lives in the middle of the Sulu Sea in the Philippines. Time setting is in the future, and the Philippines are now officially a state of the USA, which is now having trouble with it’s name, since 2 of it’s states, Hawaii and the Philippines, are not part of the American Continent. I haven’t decided what is going to happen to him though, maybe another World War, or threat from Germany, or perhaps another Ice Age.

This sounds very interesting Ben. I hope it’s clear about the oral presentation now.

Yes, documenting the incidents is a good idea. You might want to include the place and context.

Ahh yes– the Review Sheet– Ahem. I’ve written that on my to do list.

I’m afraid this is a short response. I’ve got a ka-zillion things to do! Ugh!


October 1, 1997

Richard Sandy hit me in the side.

Hi Miss!

My mom (Norma Jean Jancewicz) gave me the idea that I should write down in my journal every time somebody hit me in red, so at the end of each month I can see if it’s going up or down.

Did you finish the forms for book reviews yet?

September 26, 1997

Hi Miss!

When are we going to get book review forms? I got a lot of books to fill in.

I wish we could do some of journal work in class. It’s hard to find time elsewhere.

I’m having a hard time at school. Everybody seems to hate me and I don’t know why. Almost everywhere I turn I am put down. I’m tired of trying to stay up. I don’t want to fight anymore. I need help.



I will not do down. I will not be put down. If I go down and be sucked into believing I am worthless, no one will remember who I was. I am a rock and no one will move me. No one will shatter me. I am a fort and no one will enter me. I refuse to surrender!

No one has gone through this school, but I will go through. Like a battering ram through a sheet of paper (or at least plastic). BUT I WILL get through!


It’s hard to be different. When I was in Grades 8, 9, and 10, I went to a French school. I got called all sorts of names in Grafe 8 and 9. I think by Grade 10 thye’d grown out of it. I guess though I was luckier. My school was huge– about 1,000 students. I could disappear during recess and lunch if I wanted to. Also, because there were more people, I was able to find my own group of friends to hang out with.

You’re right though– you have to be a rock– on the outside. Don’t react to the comments. Don’t respond to them, not with words or facial expressions. That way these people who tease you can’t get any satisfaction. Isn’t this class better than Sec III? It seems you get along better with some students. Can you follow the positives?

I don’t know what to suggest. I don’t know if there is any solution.

Feel free to vent in your journal. You have to release your anger and frustration toward the turkeys who are too immature to accept you because you are different from them.

Take care, Ben.


September 18, 1997

I’m trying to get a copy of “Leonardo Kirkmeister”. I think I might get a better response from the class if they didn’t know it was written by a classmate. If you do this, use the name Chetter Hummin (Chet-ter Hum’in).

You’re right, I think I do have a tendency to give up before I start. But, I think, from re-reading Slash, that TOM would have reacted the same way.

I think you’re right about people not knowing enough about history. I just read a 432 page book titled Prelude to Foundation by Isaac Asimov (who is, or was the best Sci-Fi writer in North America) which is a story about the Universe that is so old and so populated that people think that humanity starting on one world is an absurd legend. People had totally forgotten what once was and where they came from.

Miss, do I get more points if I read more books? Some teachers have told me yes, and some no, so I want to know how you are.

As for the stories, it’s a deal.

Which month are we going to write stories? What’s the outline for this year? (I think you have us a paper that told us what we were going to be doing that year this time last year.)

Here’s a scene from “Leonardo Kirkmeister”:

I think each of my characters has a little bit of me in it, my latest story has a pretty big chunk of me in it. I think it’s going to be a long story, so it might be a while before you read it. When you read it, try to find the connection between me and the story.

O.K. looking forward to it!


Sept. 17, 1997


OK Ben,

Here it is… I shall return this to you, two days after receipt… AS PROMISED!

Just a note, yes you can skip lines, but with that you should be writing on more pages!! You can do it!!!

Do you get more points for reading more books. Here’s a plan. I’ll open this option to the whole class. If you read a book on your own time and provide me with a critique (review) of the book, I’ll add that to your marking scheme.

Regarding the outline, I included a breakdown of the marking scheme in the Term Handouts. I must give Secondary IV’s individual copies. Next week, we will have to start researching our topics for the oral presentation and the stories. So by the beginning of October, stories should be started.

Take care– G.S.

September 17, 1997

Hi Miss!

What’s wrong with Joanne Chemaganish? She always seems so sad and depressed. Even though she’s shy, she used to talk a lot more. I wish I could help her cheer up.

Regarding Chetter Hummin. Tell me when you want a revised copy of it and I’ll try to get it printed out with Chetter Hummin’s name on it.

I checked a couple other authors and the guy who made “Alice in Wonderland” changed his name too (though I never found why).

So how do you like your new house?

I don’t know what else to write.


September 8, 1997

Not much happened this weekend.

There was a rummage sale on Saturday in the Kawawa church basement. I bought a small electric piano for a dollar, and a winter coat worth 2$ for three dollars, and a pair of mittens for two dollars.

I wish I had known about the rummage sale!

I helped paint the sides of our stairway on Saturday (we’re going to put a stairway carpet down).

What did you think of the party? I thought it was pretty boring. I had to be “babysitter” to about 20 screaming kids.

I got there as everybody else was leaving. We spent a pleasant hour or so hanging out and chatting.

There was an accident on the way to school, a small trick tipped off the road before John Lake.

I saw that.


Hi Ben–

Ahhh– I have a lot to respond to here! I was going to stop and read your story once and for all– Well, by now you know, I’ve misplaced it. It’s probably at school. Blah! Regarding having the class do a response–That’s a possibility. I don’t think you should hide your authorship. However, George Eliot did it, as have a number of authors… Let me finish reading it. I’ll see where we can fit it in.

Hmm– your desire for the extraordinary and unordinary helps me understand your aversion to Slash. Ben, I often find (maybe I’m wrong!! There’s always a slight chance!) that you resist things tried in English class without giving them a second chance. No, Slash is not about a sole non-Native, American-born guy attending a Native School. However, as with any other character (unless, perhaps, it’s from sci-fi) Tom K. is a human being, fictitious yes, but created by a real live human Jeanette Armstrong, who created Tom K. out of her own experience and the experiences of those around her. The same is true for your characters– there’s a little of you in each one. (Take that a step further – The biggest Creator – God – left quite a bit of Himself in each of His characters!)

Don’t look at the surface of everything. Meaning can be found at so many levels. You want your readers to consider the possibility that Leonardo Da Vinci was extra-terrestrial. Armstrong wants people to consider the possibility of Tom K. being a real person. Take some time to do this. I’m sure, even though your specific experiences are not the same, you will find commonalities between Tom K. and the great author, Ben J. Also, the book will teach all the students a little about fairly recent Canadian politics and history which may otherwise go unaddressed. People are not politically aware enough these days– That’s a generality and not true for all. I just want to shake people’s thinking in Sec IV-V.

Hey, to be honest, I’m not keen on sci-fi. I’ll give you a chance and read your work if you give me a chance and read my selection.

Well– as Forest Gump would say– “That’s all I got to say about tha-at.” (at least for now)