Author: benjancewicz

Aloha!

Had a long practice for “What it Means to Speak Life”, the play that I’m in this coming Tues, Wed & Thurs.

Tamika asked me to come over at 9 before I drove to the rehearsal.
She had been very moody the night before, and wanted a hug and to apologize.
I don’t mind it, and honestly I feel bad for girls since they had to deal with that once a month. And no, I’m not being sarcastic. It’s a little rough when I’ve had a crummy day myself, but working together is what it’s all about, right?

The play went smoothly, and I packed the back of my rockin’ Corolla FX (snicker) with my costumes. I brought my beret for the Black Panther scene. I’m glad I saved it, it was from when I was in Cadets in Canada.

We practiced in a church that used to be a school next to Harambee (my church) and fortunately they had air conditioning. It was HOT today.

I’m really bonding with a lot of the cast members, most of whom are neo black nationalists. They are such deep and passionate people, and are making great friends.

I finished rehearsal at around 4:30 (we started at 10) and rushed to Home Depot to meet Tamika on her supper break.
She apologized again, and I took her out to Wendy’s. We talked about stuff that was bugging her and worked out plans to pick up her car.

She’s getting a mint condition red 1997 VW Jetta from Philly, and she’s letting me have her old 86 VW Golf.

Her friend Joy is coming tomorrow, and Tamika is inviting her to church with us (Tamika got Sunday off for the first time in a long time). I told Tamika I might go down to Berte’s house, and she asked if I would take the Golf so I could get it vacuumed out with Berte’s shop vac.
I dropped her off and went down to Berte’s.
Greg has pneumonia and so I just vegged with him for a while, and he ordered some gaskets for the fuel-stop on my motorcycle.
I already got it insured, retitled, and registered, so it’s about ready to go. All I have to do is do the finishing touches (getting the tank back on and the horn connected) and I’ll be ready for inspection.

I vacuumed out her car and watched some of the “Blue Collar Comedy” with them on TV. Some of it was funny, but a lot of it was stinkin’ offensive.
At one point, the “Cable Guy” sang a Christmas song about “illegal aliens getting green cards, learning how to drive, and then learning some !@#$ english.”
The crowd went wild. They gave him a standing ovation.

I mean, bloody hell.
Every bloody white person on this continent is an illegal alien. They just KILLED OFF the original inhabitants.

Maybe that’s one of my biggest problems with a president like Bush. He caters to people like that. People who are oppressive to other people.
While Americans get treated like royalty in other countries. What a bunch of crap.
People have told me to my face: “If you don’t like it, leave.”
No problem. Get me a ticket, and be on the next flight. The only reason I’m here is because I was suckered into taking out a Student Loan.
There’s nothing that could convince me to stay on this sinking ship.

I bit my tongue. Berte & Greg are wonderfully nice people. Berte and I are the best of friends, but we dissagree on some politics. Berte & Greg were in the Navy for a long time, which gives one a lot of pride in their homeland.

I drove home, and Tamika came by to drop off my car.
She seemed abrasive, but I was probably just tired and sensitive.
I think I’ll call her.

Aloha!

The past couple months for me have been chaotic, and some of you have been bugging me for the story. And, I owe a bunch of you e-mails anyways…
So, if you’re getting this; you’re on my mailing list I’ve been putting together of people who mean a lot to me. If you can’t stand big-‘ol-emails like this, just e-mail me back and let me know and I’ll take you off.

As many of you know, I was working as an Art & Computers teacher in Harrisburg since I graduated in May. The school was a small one, which catered to inner city kids and gave them a free private education. The
school provided my food and housing, which was helpful. The work was mostly volunteer, because the pay was only about 168$ a month.

Around the middle of December, though, I had to leave, and immediately before Christmas vacation I found myself without a job, without any means of transportation (the motorcycle was broken), without any cash (my last paycheck going to student loans), and without food (the school provided that too).

Throughout January I searched desperately for work, sending out over 75 applications, doing odd jobs for extra cash, and even going to the blood bank for some money. And in the thick of it all, when I thought it could not get any worse, I found out I had to move out of the place I was staying. I had originally thought (and talked over with the landlord) that I might be able to stay if I just filled in the rent money that the school had provided. But this was not an option, and since someone needed to move in soon, I had to be out by the end of January.

I began calling around some of my friends, and Berte Thompson, my old boss from working at Messiah offered me a place to stay in the guest room of her house for a month or two. I gladly accepted.
Three more of my friends stepped foreword; Jessamine, Vinny and Tolu all offered storage space in their basements. So, with Tamika’s help and my former roommate Laux’s SUV, I was able to move everything out
by the end of January.

Tamika is the most fantastic girl I have every met, and I’m proud to say I she is my girlfriend. Some of you may know her from Messiah Gospel Choir, Lacrosse or Engineering. Her and I became best friends over the summer and in October decided our feelings for each other were of a deeper current.
Without her and her family’s help, I would have never been able to get through this. Where were my parents? My parents are missionaries in Northern Quebec, and are currently taking some time off in Connecticut so my sister can go to school. Times are hard for them too, since my dad has only been able to work part time; going up to Quebec every couple months.

Tamika lent me her car to find work, made sure I ate properly (despite my many protests that I could survive quite adequately on Ramen Noodles and Mac & Cheese), and provided me with more support than I thought was possible for one person to give to another. More than anyone else, she made me see that the only way to survive was by trusting God.

We joined Harambee United Church of Christ in Harrisburg mid-January, and from then on things began slipping into place.
Immediately after I moved to Berte’s, I got a call back from a Photography place I had applied to; a portrait studio called Lifetouch that does school portraits. They said they wanted me to start work immediately. There was one catch: I needed a car to transport the photography equipment from school to school.
I prayed, and took the leap.

Tamika let me borrow her car for the couple weeks, and by the end of that week I was able to buy a car with help from Tamika’s mother. I was able to find a silver & rust ’87 Toyota Corolla FX. I got it insured, and on the road just as soon as training for the photo job was over.

My first paycheck was last week. I was finally able to pay some bills, and start paying back the numerous friends who have lent me their assistance.

Life at Messiah, in retrospect, was easy.
I was able to life at Rafiki all 4 years.
I ate healthily the whole time, even when I didn’t have a meal plan.
I was able to get all my classwork done, and still have time to tear around on a moped, sleep in the grass, and be heavily involved in ISA.
I had a good job where I worked very hard to get to the top, and made lots of money (at least, a lot in my point of view).
I graduated with flying colours, I had gotten myself a new job, I had gotten myself a place to stay, I had even gotten a motorcycle so that I could enjoy myself.
I, I, I. I had done many things. Graphic Design, Photography, hundreds of extra curricular activities that I used to have fun and to grow as a person.

But this winter, God took everything I had away, (aside from blessing me with a girl who loves me like crazy) and just when I was at my deepest despair, I realized that I didn’t trust Him at all. I had relied completely on myself. I had accomplished many things, right? Made many friends, right? Why shouldn’t I feel proud of myself? In short, it made me not rely on God at all.
Once everything was gone, I found it was very tough. VERY very tough, simply to know where the next bite of food was coming from, or the next tank of gas, or the next good night’s sleep. I kept trying to do my best, to fix things, to stretch myself just so I could have the basic necessities. And I couldn’t.
Try as I might, I could not make ends meet. I was only when I gave up, and told God I’d trust him for whatever I needed that I got anything.

It was a tough lesson to learn.
But He’s taking care of me.

I have more good news!

This week I got a job as a Designer for Huggins Printing Company in Harrisburg. I had gone in printing place to print out a large dolphin poster I had designed for Tamika’s room to give to her for her birthday, and when I was done working out the details of how I wanted it printed, I asked them if they were hiring.
Chris Gustin, the CEO of the company, asked what I could do, and said he was  very impressed by the poster, and if I would bring in my portfolio the next day. I said sure, and asked how much I owed him for the poster.
Chris told me not to worry about it, and just come back tomorrow.

The next day, after finishing my photography job, I came in to Huggins with my portfolio; in my haste forgetting to update my resume and to include as well.
As I walked through the door, a woman approached me and asked me if I was “the young man named Benjamin”. I cautiously said I was, and she introduced herself as Chris’ wife, Tammy, who worked in the Public Relations department of the company. She said she had heard good things from Chris about me, and hoped I would be brought aboard.
Chris was busy at the moment, so his father (and former CEO), Art, showed me around the place and boasted with pride all the things they were currently working on. “My son, Chris, he’s quite the boy when it comes to all the digital mumbo-jumbo.” He laughed heartily, “Me, I’m just around to poke fun and have a good time. If ya can work for Chris, ya can work for anybody. He’s a good guy. I’m a better judge o’ character, though*” He
winked broadly, and took me by the shoulder. “I’ll tell ya one thing,” he whispered, “Ya got me in your corner. I’m rootin’ for ya.” Rather taken aback, he gave me a shove into Chris’ office. I handed over my portfolio on the CD, and busied myself with watching the enormous printer they had slowly print out Tamika’s poster.
Chris grunted and muttered praises and approval as he went over my work. I wasn’t sure how to take him just yet, and if he really meant it.
Art came in to talk, and asked me where I was working now. I told them about my job with Photography, but explained that because it depended on the schools for pictures, that I would be out of the job in the
beginning of May.
I said I would be willing to leave the Photo job if I was given a much better offer, but would prefer to stay on for the time I had committed to for loyalty’s sake.
Art and Chris laughed, and Chris said that he’d give me a much better offer than the Photography job, including benefits, but that he’d wait until May “if he had to.”

All of a sudden Tammy rushed in, panic stricken. She needed an autograph page the Harrisburg Senators (the city’s baseball team) in the next hour.
Chris plopped me down in from of one of the Macs. “Alright,” He smiled, “Time for you to work off the price of that poster. Use any program you want, just get it done and make it look good.”
After recovering from my shock, I got to work, asking lots of questions and making sure I was doing what the client was looking for.
Tammy was shocked. Chris laughed. “You’re not used to having a designer actually listen to you are you?”
I finished the project on time, and by then it was closing time. Chris told me we’d talk the next day.

When I arrived, Chris was busy again, so Art sat me down in his office. He didn’t say much, but winked a couple times. When Chris was done, he began showing me through the Art department and explaining
how everything worked. And as a simple side note, he added, “Oh, and in case you were wondering, you’re hired.”
Inside, I was jumping around all over the place, but I restrained myself to a simple “Sweet!” He explained that the way it would work is that I would keep coming over after work like I had been doing and he would train me. He told me to log my hours, and he would pay me for them, and to get any books I wanted from Barnes & Nobles to help me learn about any programs I wanted and he would take care of the receipts.

And as if that wasn’t enough, that evening, I found a place to live.
Vinny, Tamika’s roommate, had seen some places right near their house while she was on her way to work, and one of them I was able to get. It’s the whole downstairs of a house with a basement and all utilities
except electricity included for 450$ a month!
My new address is:

Benjamin Jancewicz
350 Hummel Ave.
Lemoyne, PA 17043

I was able to move in right before Tamika and I left for Easter break
to see my parents, which is where I’m at right now!

Hope you’re doing well, and write back to me!

Much love,
~Benjamin

Aloha!

I got a job!!!

Less than a week before I have to move out, I got a job a place called “Lifetouch Studios”, a photography company. I’ll be making 10$ an hour, not bad at all!!

There remains a few things to be ironed out…
I’m going to need a car of my own soon… Tamika has been wonderful enough to share hers with me, but I’m going to need it a lot because I’ll be having to tote around my own photography equipment and setting it up. Tamika’s got to get to work somehow.

I’ve got to get a place of my own as soon as enough money, and I also have to find some place to store my extra stuff that I’m not bringing to my boss.

I’m sure God has something for us, he’s taken care of us thus far. Money has been appearing to take care of us, and people have been supporting us and helping us out.

Thanks so much for all your well wishes and prayers (and a special thanks to those of you who bought prints! You rock!)

Aloha!

Well, I got some news for you…
My old boss, Berte Thompson, from when I worked at Student Computer Services (SCS in older journals) offered me a place to stay for a while until I get on my feet! The cool thing is, rather than rent, she’s going to let me do chores around the house.
She has a guest room in her basement which is really nice, so I’m going to try to find someplace to store everything but the essentials and move in there.

I’m still desperately searching for work in the Central Pennsylvania area, so if you know of anything, let me know.

But, things are looking up. The well wishes, prayers, and notes have definitely helped (yes, I read all of them).

Someone asked me what the best way to send money to me would be.
Buy some prints! If I can help you at the same time, it makes me happy. They’re extremely cheap, and you’d end up getting what I hope would be some decent artwork.
Thank you very much to those who have helped me out, I’ve been living dollar by dollar and you’ve been a blessing.

“A very great vision is needed and the man
who has it must follow it as the eagle seeks
the deepest blue of the sky.”

~Crazy Horse

Aloha!

For those wondering why their comments have not been answered & responded too and all that and where the heck I am,

I’m in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, USA.

I recently lost my job and my place to live, and am scrambling to make ends meet on both of those in that order.

So, if you have friends/contacts/rich uncles in my area, let me know. Anything would help, I’m just trying to survive at this point. My e-mail is benjancewicz@zerflin.com

When things have stabilized, I’ll be back. Don’t worry. I’ll be back.

In the meantime, pray. Pray really hard.

Peace, Love & Cardboard Boxes,

~Benjamin

It felt horrible. I got up at 12, feeling miserable. My back was killing me, and the cough was racking.
I barely did anything all day.
I did go out once to take self portraits for Tamika’s bedside photoframe. I parked at the bus station then walked to a tall parking garage to take the pictures. I turned in the latest rolls of film at Carlisle Camera. They said it’d be ready on Monday. 60$ it would cost me. I gaped, and left.
I barely have 100$ in the bank, which will just about cover the expenses of the citation I got.
I confirmed my ING account, and put a tiny little bit of extra money in it.
I wish I had more money.
I put together Dad’s presents, and now that Nick’s present had arrived, I’d be able to send them off.
Most of the day, I just lay around.
I felt lethargic. I just wanted her to call. I dared not go online, for fear I might miss her call. I destroyed myself in my head, telling myself how I was wrong to miss her like this. We’d only been apart barely a day. But I burned.
I ate dark chocolate like it was my personal wonder-drug. I read somewhere that the chemicals in dark chocolate reproduced what if felt like to be in love. I didn’t think it was helping.
I used the sickness as an excuse to stay in bed. I gazed out the window at the cold empty street below. I missed her so much. I just wanted her to be there. It’s so silly. I could imagine easily if she were just in the room, sleeping even, I’d get so much stuff done.
I looked around the room; it was in slight disarray, but I felt no drive to clean it up.
I just wanted her to come back. And I knew it… I felt like this was too much. As soon as she knew how I felt, she would say “that’s it. I think we need to spend some time apart.” And then I would be punished a second time. Just for wanting her around.
I felt destroyed. I pined for her.
I slowly dozed off.
Tim Laux called, asking if I still wanted to go to the concert. I thought a moment of my dwindling bank account. But I needed to get out. Maybe she would call while we were out. It would distract me for a little while.
We walked down to Market Square.
The concert, featuring the Enso Quartet, was incredible. They played Haydn, Corigliano, and Shostakovich. It was all beautifully done. I’d been trying to persuade Laux to go and strike up conversation with the 2nd Violinist whom he found attractive. He stalled for about half an hour, and finally I gave up and we went home.
On the way home we saw flashing light ahead. As we drew nearer, we saw it was 4 cop cars, an ambulance, and a tow truck. Apparently, 20 minutes earlier, the dispatch lady for the Harrisburg Police Department had been driving home from the end of her shift, and had passed out. She was a diabetic, and her sugar level was low. Her foot hit the gas and her black car had careened onto the sidewalk, taking out 6 parking meters before smashing to a stop against a streetlight. The streetlight let go of it’s lighting apparatus, which came crashing down in a cascade of sparks. Some of the parking meters flew 100 feet down the sidewalk from where the crash actually was.
What freaked me out the most was, that if I hadn’t been so persistent with Lox, the timing would have been such that we would have been walking right through there when it happened…

Tamika had called, no more than 5 minutes before I got home. It was 11:00.
I called her back, she didn’t pick up. I left her a message. As soon as I hung up, she called me back.
She was playing a drinking game, but hadn’t yet drunk anything. She said she missed me, whispered she loved me, and said she’d call be back.
I worked on the African Girl some more and just about finished it up.
I called her at 1. She was heading to bed. She said she was very tired, and wouldn’t be able to talk long. She said everyone had told her she was silly, but she missed me and was thinking about me every minute.
I admitted that I hadn’t wanted to say it because I thought she’d brush me off, but I’d been feeling the same way. We talked for a while, and she said she was awake and so I read her a couple journal entries until she became sleepy.
She said she feared being like this, if it meant we’d not want to be around each other later. I said that’s what I wrote the journals for. So that if one of us ever started to feel that way, we’d read these and be reminded.
She asked me to teach her something new in French.
I said « Je pense a toi; chaque minute du la jour. »
She smiled, and whispered « Je t’adore. »

Tamika’s Mom called, asking jokingly if I was still alive; it had been so long since I’d seen her. She wasn’t feeling the greatest, the problem with her lungs sounded like it might be ok, but the doctors had found out the tissue around her heart that had been caused by Tommy’s beating had become tumorous. She sounded very at ease about it, but it was apparent she was acting some of it.

Tamika was going to drive to Philly.

It was pouring out, and Mrs. Pinkney asked me if Tamika was riding alone. I said no, that Vinny was going with her.
I lay on my bed and stared at the storm.

Tamika got of from work at 10, and called me at 11 when she came by with Vinny.
It was raining, but I came out in the cold anyway. She jumped out of the car, bounding over to me, kissing me, then bounding to load her stuff in the car. I helped her, as Vinny sat in the car watching us. She must have kissed me 20 times. She was bouncing all over the place like a little squirrel. I grabbed her, holding her tight. I told her I’d miss her, but I wanted her to get going so she wouldn’t get there too late. She melted in my arms, then perked up again, and kissed me goodbye.
I waited in the doorway until she was gone, as she waved frantically out the window.
I bolted back inside and got under the covers, taking some medicine. I felt miserable. My back ached and my throat was on fire.
She didn’t call me, so I called her at 2 to make sure she was ok.
She made it there ok, and was drinking cocoa and having cookies at her Mommom’s. She whispered goodnight and that she loved me.
I slept soundly.

She called right after work, saying we had to go to Ma Melinda’s (yes, I’ve been spelling Mama Linda wrong this whole time).
Went to Ma Melinda’s, I looked up directions, looked around their cool house, (her husband wants me to do their wiring), went to see Ray, but missed it, watched The Incredibles, great movie.

Something was bothering Tamika, she wouldn’t tell me.
We came back to my place (had a blast laughing the whole time with Brittney’s friends) but, something was bothering her. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to come in or not. She did, we had a Bible Study, and I just put her to bed. I hope she’s ok…

She called me after work, leaving me a message.
We were both ecstatic about Allan Chipman & his new love. I called her back, but as soon as I did, I knew something was wrong.
She sounded happy to hear me, but was troubled. She was on the other line with Mike (her ex). She did her best to smile, though, and told me she’d call me back after Vinny and her had dinner. She beamed and told me she had gotten me something too.

I was tired, so I fell asleep after I got changed. My room I think is the warmest in the house. The radiator is pretty powerful, and I have two radiator pipes that pass through my room too; one in the front and one in the back. I dozed, basking in the warmth.

She woke me up with her call, saying she was coming over. She said she could only stay until 9:30, though because she was going to go back and watch a movie with Vinny. I feigned annoyance, laughing at her, though I really was happy she came by. She walked in wearing her new winter jacket. It looks so snug on her. It’s a baby blue, and very puffy. I gave her a big hug. She brought me some of the leftovers of their dinner, and I warmed them up and we went upstairs.
She got for me two beautiful button shirts, one an intensely deep royal blue, and the other a deep crimson red. They were fantastic. I tried them on and they fit better than most shirts I had, but she said she’d like to take them back to see if she could get them one size down.
She kissed me and left, saying she’d call for a Bible Study later.