Today, I am 30.
I can’t really say I’ve been breathlessly awaiting this moment. The older I get, the more I’m aware of it, and I don’t want to be aware of it. Responsibilities already nearly crush me in the day to day, and the idea that I’m limited and my clock is winding down…
Tamika made a good point, though.
We sat watching Sons of Anarchy, and during a pause she leaned over, and said “Look at it this way… you’re lucky to have made it this far…”
And she’s right. I think of the friends I’ve lost, people who are gone now. I look at where I’m at, how I live. I have a wife who loves me dearly. I have two kids. I have strong faith. I own a house, a car, a motorcycle, a business. My art is budding. I have friends. Thousands of distant ones. Hundreds of good ones. A decent handful of them that truly know me, and still like me. I’m fortunate. Blessed.
Getting here has been hard. There are a lot of things that could have made me crash. But I’m still here, and I’m still growing to be better.
I’ve got what—another 60-70 years? Tops? The 2080’s. That’s as far as I’ll go. That’s a weird feeling. I remember calculating that I’d be 16 when the millenium was here. Now I’m calculating my own end, knowing I won’t see another century other than the one I’m in.
I need to see more of the world. This year, Tamika and I are planning out another cross country trip like we did last year, but I think next year the focus has to change. I have a lot I want to experience in the next 30 years. A lot to learn. A lot of improvements to make. But unlike the first 30 years, there isn’t much of anything holding me back…
My older self will be reading this sometime in the future. Perhaps some of these goals will be met. Maybe some of them won’t. Future self, if they’re not met, rekindle the resolve I feel right now and get out and do them. Anything you think is keeping you, really isn’t.
Go.
Be.
Live.
