Guilt and work

Late night again.
Days are long at work. We’re very understaffed, and more people are leaving. I’m getting more and more jobs, most of them doing new things, or actually doing design work.
Sometimes, though, I’m getting work that is way out of my league. A lot of web coding projects, with really heavy coding. With two of or major coders gone, it’s really tough work. I don’t mind doing it, but I’m not trained in coding. I’m sure I’d be able to pick it up pretty quick if could get some classes on it, but with the recession already pinching the company at it’s every nerve, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.
At home, I’ve been exhausted. I’m just trying to keep up with the work. Sometimes I go into autopilot, because I can’t focus.

I had band practice today with The Black Marks. Songs are solidifying nicely. We’re doing a recording session on December 5th, so hopefully that turns out well.
Came home; Tamika helped me with some Zerflin stuff. Not as productive as I could be. Not quite sure how to switch it on, so I can burn through my projects and get them done.
Everywhere I look, I see money bleeding away. Our leaky toilet. Out uninsulated back porch. A light left on. The late fee on a bill we couldn’t pay.
I feel like it’s hard to get out, but I don’t know where to start.
The next Zerflin project? House repairs? Working hard at the day job to get promoted somehow, or at least a raise?

It’s tough.
In all this, I need to find more time to spend with God.
Not easy when I acually feel guilty when I’m not doing something profitable.
Trish Barrett and Tamika have both been reminding me that to not take a day of rest is disobediance, and not putting your faith in God that he will work it out.
Why is that so difficult?
It’s because I keep asking myself, since God’s miracles are so great, how am I ever supposed to meet him halfway? At what point am I doing “my part”?

I’m not sure.

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