Song playing: Smile – Nat King Cole
Aloha..
..
We’re still best friends.
I guess I’m still confused, and a little hurt.
But I’m ok.
I am happy.
I love her enough to be her friend until she might fall in love with me.
I don’t know it will ever happen.
We might each find someone else.
But I don’t know. I still like her.
I’m toning myself down.
I’m not going to be the nut in love, and I’m going to be her friend.
She pointed out that the biggest problem was the inequality.
She wasn’t getting the same thing out of the time we spent together that I was, and I knew it. I was acting like a leech, blowing the simplest touch into something else in my head.
I can’t help it.
I’m the eternal optimist, I see things as exaggeratedly beautiful.
I’m not going to lose that. But I am going to be more tactful in how I react.
She needs to feel comfortable around me, and not scared to do anything a normal friend would do.
I want to be her best friend. I said it before, I don’t ever want to loose that.
And if it makes her happy, I can do that.
She’s right.
Even though I might not say it, I do want someone to love me unconditionally. Totally and completely in love with me. The cuteness, the playfulness, the love-you-till-you-die, the whole bit. She knows me better than I do.
And right now, she wants to play. She’s still young, she’s not looking for that kind of commitment.
Who knows. Maybe this is what I was supposed to learn. Maybe I’ll fall in love with someone else.
But when I fall in love; it’s completely. It’s BOOM. I’m gone.
so it’s very hard to pull out. But I can.
We’ll see what happens next.
Classes start tomorrow.
I called her tonight.
Dang, I haven’t talked about any formal stuff in a while.
We played a bunch of games at Rafiki tonight, and she was out so I left her a message on her phone.
Games wasn’t much fun, so I played piano and sang with Justin.
Got done with that and gave her a call.
She didn’t seem to be doing to well, and it sounded serious. T’wasn’t me, but I felt bad for her. She sounded really blown out.
I think I’m going to send her a card tomorrow.
Anyhow.
I’m ok.
I’m mellow by myself, and absurdly wild to cover it up when I’m with others.
Normal.