Welcome to DeviantArt.

What a rough beginning. It seems this place is no stranger to people with poor judgments and cruel hearts.

It seems I may have to put up a fight here, just like everywhere else, though I had hoped it would be different.

Perhaps I can find some sanctuary here, though it seems that there are few places on the web (save my own forum) that are welcoming to those who might prize morals, courtesy, and a common love and respect for other people regardless of status.

I just can not comprehend how one views the world and how one views art could be so disconnected for some people.


A day on Wiiskichaan

Mood: Happy .: SunshineInside :.
Listening to: .: Joe – Treat her like a Lady :.
Reading: .: Everything but the Burden :.
Watching: .: Hellboy :.


Got up at 12!
Getting better…

Worked on Wiiskichaan for a bit, and rerouted the throttle cable. It helped it from running high, but later on in the day it rose again, and it idling at 4000 rpm now. Lower than it was, but still to high.

Zipped down to Lottie for lunch. Grace Li, Suji Yoon and their friend were there. They were finished, but waited around for me and we all just talked. I found Ed wandering around in the food court, so I invited him to sit with us. Grace agreed to play for my Senior Art show exhibition opening on the 17th, but she needed to check her schedule first.

I got a bag for the back behind the seat, so I can put tools in it and such.
I rode out to Ollie’s and bought some cheap spray paint and cleaning supplies. The bike could use some surface work. I also found some black high-temperature paint; its designed for painting exhaust systems and the like. The muffler and the exhaust pipes are pretty rusted, so I’m going to paint them down after I buff them.

I went to Wal-Mart after that (Ollie’s didn’t have primer) but I accidentally left the light on. For some odd reason, the bike wouldn’t start from the kick-start at all. I’m not sure how this is related to the battery; since Skidoos don’t have batteries and start fine without them. But after pumping it a couple dozen times, I gave up and sat reading in McDonald’s for a while. I know that if you leave batteries for alone for a little bit with no charge escaping; they’ll build up a little charge.
I was right, and after half an hour it started up fine.

I got home and into Lottie just before the door closed. I had packed a sandwich, though so I wasn’t really hungry. I had promised Helina Zewdu a ride on the bike as soon as I got it fixed, so after dinner I zipped up to the house to get my “dorky lookin’ helmet” and gave her a ride. I took her around the countryside around campus. The sun was setting, and it was beautiful. I think she liked it.

As soon as I got back, I met Joseph Chebbet, Boon, Lalrempuii and Janice VanHaltren going out to the movies. The car only held 4, so I gladly hopped on Wiiskichaan and followed them.
We split up at the theater; the girls went to see The Prince and Me and us three guys went to see Hellboy. I would have preferred not to have split up, but I figured the heck with it. It was rather odd, though. There was tension between everyone. I’m not sure if it was because of me or not. I sat next to Joseph in the movie and we laughed a lot. Boon was pretty quiet as usual.
Hellboy’s cool. Comic hero movie, much like Daredevil, but I liked this one better than Daredevil. Better storyline and much better acting, surprisingly. The ads on TV made it seem like the acting would be bad, but it wasn’t. Lots of action, and a lot of blowing up alien-looking creatures. I think the comic book is better, and it wasn’t worth the 5$ I paid. Oh well. 🙁

When we got out, the girls were waiting for us. They kind of sat around a while, and I donned my helmet. Joseph said they were going to go eat, and I said I’m meet them back at the house.

It was already dark, so no working on Wiiskichaan. 🙁

When I got in, Karin Glinton, Tolu, Heather and Richard were there. They watched some movie with The Rock in it. He’s a pretty good actor.

Collins and a couple others are going down to MD to visit Agaba, but I think I’m going to go to Global Outreach church with Helina and Rachael.

I gotta get to bed, if I’m going to do that, though. 😀

Happy Easter!

Sleeping in the Rain



We usually go to bed late after the concerts, after sitting around the fire, and wake up around 8-8:30. We are really far from the concert stage (about as far as you can get) so we listen to the 9:00 pastor on the neighbor’s radio. Some really boring bands usually play right after the pastor, so it’s usually not worth the walk, especially if you’re still half asleep.

I’m not sure if Andy has found out about Jon Hnaituk & Emily Gauvin yet. Andy and Emily used to be girlfriend/boyfriend, but they broke up.

Kyle McKibben stormed off last night because we were all sleeping outside and he wanted one side of the fire to himself. He still hasn’t returned. By morning, I was the only one left out there! Apparently it had started to rain and they all went in, but I slept right through it!


My, it’s been a long time since I wrote a journal.
I don’t think I’ll go through the history of how I got to Groton, Connecticut, but I hope whoever is reading this will have access to either my old email account ( and my AOLIM files either on ZIP disk or as paper
That will explain a lot.
I very tired, and am leaving early tomorrow for Pennsylvania for a concert; Creation.
My Dad suggested starting up my journal for the trip. I’ll try to continue tomorrow. Good night!


Stella’s Birthday Card

I feel like an idiot.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been sending notes to Stella Pien via her locker. I started this because of a program by several teachers who picked various students and send them typed notes of encouragement, signing them, “Your Special Friend”.

The program lasted only one month, but my notes continued. Last Sunday, the 21st, was Stella’s birthday. I designed a pretty card on the computer with flowers on it, and wrote a short poem, signed it as usual; “Your very special friend”, and on Monday during lunch, popped it into her locker.

Later during lunch when all the local kids came back to the school, I was walking in the hallway. Stella and some of her friends were crowded around her locker. She saw me down the hall, and called out: “ᒋ ᐅᐤ, Ben?”, asking me if I wrote it.

Like a total ignoramus, I did nothing but blush deep red and reply “ᐊ?!?”.

Well, enough.
I’m tired.
Maybe it will work itself out…


I’m confused.

I know I’m in love, but I don’t know what Stella Pien expects of me. I don’t even know if she knows that I love her, or even cares.
She must know… word travels fast in Kawawa…

Donna Einish mentioned that Stella would accept being my escort, but as friends.

Ah. Of course.

But what are opposite-sex friends supposed to do? I barely know what same-sex friends do; which is to sufficiently say I have very little friends at all.

1999, Kawawachikamach, QC, Jimmy Sandy Memoria...
The three of us. The last of about 30 kids that made it to graduation… 1999, Kawawachikamach, QC, Jimmy Sandy Memorial School Gymnasium, High School Graduation, Johanne Chemaganish, Benjamin Jancewicz and Donna Einish (Photo credit: benjancewicz)

Donna is my friend, she confides in me and I in her. This friendship was started because we are in the same class and she often needs my help with some of her assignments. This friendship is occasionally jostled because of the untidiness of my desk and my occasional recklessness and curiosity.

Joanne Chemaganish is my friend; she confides in me and I in her. She appears to enjoy my company, and I hers. She’s much more lenient to my faults than Donna is…

And now back to Stella. We do not confide in each other, merely exchange occasional shy smiles in the hallway. So how to start up a conversation? Especially with 50 dozen ears roaming up and down the school? And what to talk about?

1999, Kawawachikamach, QC, Jimmy Sandy Memoria...
1999, Kawawachikamach, QC, Jimmy Sandy Memorial School Gymnasium, High School Graduation, Benjamin and Stella Pien (Photo credit: benjancewicz)

We’ve had a total of 2 “conversations”.
One was a shy embarrassed and blurted request on if she would go to the graduation ceremony with me as my escort, and if she would mind the colour navy blue as a dress.

The other was during a Bingo that we were both working at. We were alone, I was on guard duty to keep brats out of the school gymnasium, and she was taking a break from work.

There was a big soft office chair in the mudroom, and so I got up and offered it to her when she came in. We got to sharing complaints about how hard the work was, and she asked me about my friends.

I said I had a pretty lonely life.

“It might seem that way at first…” she began, but then someone crashed through the door and told her to get back to work.

The night creeps on, and I’m growing weary. I’ll continue at a later date.

October 7, 1997

Patrick Nattawappio hit me because he wanted to use my gloves.

Hi Miss!

I don’t know what to write. For my oral presentation, I mean. Just write about the place? Or write about the story I’m going to write?

I already started on the story, it’s going to be about a fishing boy named Pablo Trinidadé Da Costa, who lives in the middle of the Sulu Sea in the Philippines. Time setting is in the future, and the Philippines are now officially a state of the USA, which is now having trouble with it’s name, since 2 of it’s states, Hawaii and the Philippines, are not part of the American Continent. I haven’t decided what is going to happen to him though, maybe another World War, or threat from Germany, or perhaps another Ice Age.

This sounds very interesting Ben. I hope it’s clear about the oral presentation now.

Yes, documenting the incidents is a good idea. You might want to include the place and context.

Ahh yes– the Review Sheet– Ahem. I’ve written that on my to do list.

I’m afraid this is a short response. I’ve got a ka-zillion things to do! Ugh!


October 1, 1997

Richard Sandy hit me in the side.

Hi Miss!

My mom (Norma Jean Jancewicz) gave me the idea that I should write down in my journal every time somebody hit me in red, so at the end of each month I can see if it’s going up or down.

Did you finish the forms for book reviews yet?

September 26, 1997

Hi Miss!

When are we going to get book review forms? I got a lot of books to fill in.

I wish we could do some of journal work in class. It’s hard to find time elsewhere.

I’m having a hard time at school. Everybody seems to hate me and I don’t know why. Almost everywhere I turn I am put down. I’m tired of trying to stay up. I don’t want to fight anymore. I need help.



I will not do down. I will not be put down. If I go down and be sucked into believing I am worthless, no one will remember who I was. I am a rock and no one will move me. No one will shatter me. I am a fort and no one will enter me. I refuse to surrender!

No one has gone through this school, but I will go through. Like a battering ram through a sheet of paper (or at least plastic). BUT I WILL get through!


It’s hard to be different. When I was in Grades 8, 9, and 10, I went to a French school. I got called all sorts of names in Grafe 8 and 9. I think by Grade 10 thye’d grown out of it. I guess though I was luckier. My school was huge– about 1,000 students. I could disappear during recess and lunch if I wanted to. Also, because there were more people, I was able to find my own group of friends to hang out with.

You’re right though– you have to be a rock– on the outside. Don’t react to the comments. Don’t respond to them, not with words or facial expressions. That way these people who tease you can’t get any satisfaction. Isn’t this class better than Sec III? It seems you get along better with some students. Can you follow the positives?

I don’t know what to suggest. I don’t know if there is any solution.

Feel free to vent in your journal. You have to release your anger and frustration toward the turkeys who are too immature to accept you because you are different from them.

Take care, Ben.