Author: benjancewicz

It felt horrible. I got up at 12, feeling miserable. My back was killing me, and the cough was racking.
I barely did anything all day.
I did go out once to take self portraits for Tamika’s bedside photoframe. I parked at the bus station then walked to a tall parking garage to take the pictures. I turned in the latest rolls of film at Carlisle Camera. They said it’d be ready on Monday. 60$ it would cost me. I gaped, and left.
I barely have 100$ in the bank, which will just about cover the expenses of the citation I got.
I confirmed my ING account, and put a tiny little bit of extra money in it.
I wish I had more money.
I put together Dad’s presents, and now that Nick’s present had arrived, I’d be able to send them off.
Most of the day, I just lay around.
I felt lethargic. I just wanted her to call. I dared not go online, for fear I might miss her call. I destroyed myself in my head, telling myself how I was wrong to miss her like this. We’d only been apart barely a day. But I burned.
I ate dark chocolate like it was my personal wonder-drug. I read somewhere that the chemicals in dark chocolate reproduced what if felt like to be in love. I didn’t think it was helping.
I used the sickness as an excuse to stay in bed. I gazed out the window at the cold empty street below. I missed her so much. I just wanted her to be there. It’s so silly. I could imagine easily if she were just in the room, sleeping even, I’d get so much stuff done.
I looked around the room; it was in slight disarray, but I felt no drive to clean it up.
I just wanted her to come back. And I knew it… I felt like this was too much. As soon as she knew how I felt, she would say “that’s it. I think we need to spend some time apart.” And then I would be punished a second time. Just for wanting her around.
I felt destroyed. I pined for her.
I slowly dozed off.
Tim Laux called, asking if I still wanted to go to the concert. I thought a moment of my dwindling bank account. But I needed to get out. Maybe she would call while we were out. It would distract me for a little while.
We walked down to Market Square.
The concert, featuring the Enso Quartet, was incredible. They played Haydn, Corigliano, and Shostakovich. It was all beautifully done. I’d been trying to persuade Laux to go and strike up conversation with the 2nd Violinist whom he found attractive. He stalled for about half an hour, and finally I gave up and we went home.
On the way home we saw flashing light ahead. As we drew nearer, we saw it was 4 cop cars, an ambulance, and a tow truck. Apparently, 20 minutes earlier, the dispatch lady for the Harrisburg Police Department had been driving home from the end of her shift, and had passed out. She was a diabetic, and her sugar level was low. Her foot hit the gas and her black car had careened onto the sidewalk, taking out 6 parking meters before smashing to a stop against a streetlight. The streetlight let go of it’s lighting apparatus, which came crashing down in a cascade of sparks. Some of the parking meters flew 100 feet down the sidewalk from where the crash actually was.
What freaked me out the most was, that if I hadn’t been so persistent with Lox, the timing would have been such that we would have been walking right through there when it happened…

Tamika had called, no more than 5 minutes before I got home. It was 11:00.
I called her back, she didn’t pick up. I left her a message. As soon as I hung up, she called me back.
She was playing a drinking game, but hadn’t yet drunk anything. She said she missed me, whispered she loved me, and said she’d call be back.
I worked on the African Girl some more and just about finished it up.
I called her at 1. She was heading to bed. She said she was very tired, and wouldn’t be able to talk long. She said everyone had told her she was silly, but she missed me and was thinking about me every minute.
I admitted that I hadn’t wanted to say it because I thought she’d brush me off, but I’d been feeling the same way. We talked for a while, and she said she was awake and so I read her a couple journal entries until she became sleepy.
She said she feared being like this, if it meant we’d not want to be around each other later. I said that’s what I wrote the journals for. So that if one of us ever started to feel that way, we’d read these and be reminded.
She asked me to teach her something new in French.
I said « Je pense a toi; chaque minute du la jour. »
She smiled, and whispered « Je t’adore. »

Tamika’s Mom called, asking jokingly if I was still alive; it had been so long since I’d seen her. She wasn’t feeling the greatest, the problem with her lungs sounded like it might be ok, but the doctors had found out the tissue around her heart that had been caused by Tommy’s beating had become tumorous. She sounded very at ease about it, but it was apparent she was acting some of it.

Tamika was going to drive to Philly.

It was pouring out, and Mrs. Pinkney asked me if Tamika was riding alone. I said no, that Vinny was going with her.
I lay on my bed and stared at the storm.

Tamika got of from work at 10, and called me at 11 when she came by with Vinny.
It was raining, but I came out in the cold anyway. She jumped out of the car, bounding over to me, kissing me, then bounding to load her stuff in the car. I helped her, as Vinny sat in the car watching us. She must have kissed me 20 times. She was bouncing all over the place like a little squirrel. I grabbed her, holding her tight. I told her I’d miss her, but I wanted her to get going so she wouldn’t get there too late. She melted in my arms, then perked up again, and kissed me goodbye.
I waited in the doorway until she was gone, as she waved frantically out the window.
I bolted back inside and got under the covers, taking some medicine. I felt miserable. My back ached and my throat was on fire.
She didn’t call me, so I called her at 2 to make sure she was ok.
She made it there ok, and was drinking cocoa and having cookies at her Mommom’s. She whispered goodnight and that she loved me.
I slept soundly.

She called right after work, saying we had to go to Ma Melinda’s (yes, I’ve been spelling Mama Linda wrong this whole time).
Went to Ma Melinda’s, I looked up directions, looked around their cool house, (her husband wants me to do their wiring), went to see Ray, but missed it, watched The Incredibles, great movie.

Something was bothering Tamika, she wouldn’t tell me.
We came back to my place (had a blast laughing the whole time with Brittney’s friends) but, something was bothering her. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to come in or not. She did, we had a Bible Study, and I just put her to bed. I hope she’s ok…

She called me after work, leaving me a message.
We were both ecstatic about Allan Chipman & his new love. I called her back, but as soon as I did, I knew something was wrong.
She sounded happy to hear me, but was troubled. She was on the other line with Mike (her ex). She did her best to smile, though, and told me she’d call me back after Vinny and her had dinner. She beamed and told me she had gotten me something too.

I was tired, so I fell asleep after I got changed. My room I think is the warmest in the house. The radiator is pretty powerful, and I have two radiator pipes that pass through my room too; one in the front and one in the back. I dozed, basking in the warmth.

She woke me up with her call, saying she was coming over. She said she could only stay until 9:30, though because she was going to go back and watch a movie with Vinny. I feigned annoyance, laughing at her, though I really was happy she came by. She walked in wearing her new winter jacket. It looks so snug on her. It’s a baby blue, and very puffy. I gave her a big hug. She brought me some of the leftovers of their dinner, and I warmed them up and we went upstairs.
She got for me two beautiful button shirts, one an intensely deep royal blue, and the other a deep crimson red. They were fantastic. I tried them on and they fit better than most shirts I had, but she said she’d like to take them back to see if she could get them one size down.
She kissed me and left, saying she’d call for a Bible Study later.

Woke up, went to Nativity. Worked on Tree. Thomas, Tashan, Eric and Jayson showed up.

Tamika left me a message, and I called her back. She was in the shower, but she said she’d call me back. I started on my laundry, and did some design work.
She called me back, she had her hair done. She talked me with me as she drove to the party.

I did some more design work.
She called me back after the party, and said she was coming back to see me.
We talked all they way back, she said how much she enjoyed herself, and how jealous the other girls were when she bragged about me to them.
She said one of the girls had remarked after the story of me getting the 6th graders to wake her up: “I want a Ben!”
She came over, her hair was gorgeous. She had gotten finely braided extensions.
We talked for the rest of the night, then I tucker her in.

Tamika slept on my futon.
Got up at 9:45, gave her a kiss, then ran to school.
Decided to have the kids collect leaves for the massive tree.
We ran around outside, and I directed them to Market Street. I gathered them up all around my house, and on 3, we yelled “Good Morning, Tamika!”. She didn’t poke her head out. We went back to school.
I came back during my next free period, but she was gone. I called her. She gushed about been woken up, she said it was the cutest thing anyone had ever done for her. She thanked me, and said she was sorry she had left; she wasn’t sure if I was coming back.
I went back to school. During a break in classes, I borrowed Lox’s car to go to Lowes for cardboard. They said they wouldn’t let me have any from their cardboard compacter, so I snuck around the back and stole some from their dumpster.

Got back, she came over quick before she took off for the bachelorette party for Vanessa. She was having a miserable day, but I had made her a PB&J sandwich, got her her favourite Iced Tea, a bag of chips, snuck in some Resees & a Ferrero Rocher and at the bottom placed a double CD I had been working on. I made her a compilation album of Stacey Kent and Jamie Cullum. She melted when she realized what it was, calling me when she opened the back and apologizing for being so crabby. We talked for her whole trip, all the way to her house.

Election day, she came to my room, made fun of me describing things, we kissed (play fought), went to get the rackets from Vinny, went to Messiah, saw Femi, played racquetball (flirted), came back to her room, watched TV, took a break, did a Bible Study, Vinny came home, and Tamika remarked how she wanted to leave the country.

She got depressed, I held her, gave her a rub (both was really beat up). She said she might run away later, but would keep in touch with me.

She drove me back. I forgot my key in the house, but pretended to be walking in so she would drive away (I didn’t want to get her more frustrated). She did, and I went around back to climb up on the roof to get in. But, the stool I used slipped, and crashed to the ground injuring my leg & arm. I got up, and went to bed.

I slept, she called me late after Vinny went to bed, she was very discouraged about her parents, I had a hard time hearing her because of the dumb phone, which made her a little frustrated, but eventually we got to talk for a while. I read her Psalm 3, then did a Bible Study. She said she felt better.

She felt depressed, we went to the park, had KFC, talked to a homeless man, took a nap in the sleeping bag, vowed to do bible study more, climbed trees, came back to my room, worked on the costumes, went out to Hershey Park, we went out to a diner, I offended her by saying “that sucks” (I was tired), we talked, I apologized, she poured out to me, I admitted I didn’t want to make her mad, she told me all the things that were wrong with me (deafness, forgetfulness) and how really, she didn’t mind them, because compared to some of the problems some other guys had, and how nice I was, it was really nothing.

She said she would never stop loving me.

She wanted me to pick her up, but I was late because I was working on the costumes. She was perturbed.

-to be continued-