Author: benjancewicz

Sitting in a rest stop on our way back from visiting Tamika’s grandparents.

I’m going through a reading plan that takes you through the bible in chronological order. I was curious about the two Lamechs in Genesis, so I looked them up.

Never thought of translating the actual NAMES of people in the bible before. When you do, Genesis 4 reads something like this:

God’s servant took two wives, light and darkness. The light brought forth the shepherd, who was the father of tent-dwellers, and herdsmen, and his brother was the musician, who was the father of harpists and pipers. But the darkness brought forth the blacksmith, the forger of brass, and of iron, and his sister was pleasure.

Very interesting…

I like sketchbooks. Leather-bound, hardback, crisp white paper. I try to always have one around, simply because I’m a firm believer that if you carry something everywhere you go, you’ll be able to use it at any given opportunity.

That being said, there is always something that unnerves me about them. Not a lot, just a little… but enough to make me think about it.

A couple years back, I started putting the date and the place at the top of every page; and it’s this feeling that compelled me to do it.

Everytime I start to draw or write; I always have this feeling like I’m being watched. Not like someone is there, but that some is reading this page far in the future.
And it sounds a little egotistical. But don’t get me wrong. I don’t feel like my work is worthy of future historical relevance, I just feel like someday someone is going to try to read these things and understand who I was.

Maybe that person is me as an old man. Maybe it’s my kids. Maybe my grandkids. I guess it’s weird to think about that, but I’m wondering if everyone who writes a diary or journal thinks about that. Or is it writing only for yourself? For my writing, it’s not just for myself. It’s meant to be read, to be enjoyed, to learn from.

If someone, maybe my descendant is reading this down the line, know this: I think about you all the time.

So, I’m on the Brightline Interactive retreat for the next couple days. We’re out in the mountains of West Virginia. I have never been out in this part of the country. It’s very different than I expected… it’s very very pretty. Erik (my boss)’s family owns a house out here on the side of a massive mountain, and the views is truly spectacular.

One of the first things we did was an online test. Erik bought this book, “Now Discover Your Strengths” by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D.

We didn’t go through it at all, but with each book comes a card with a secret code that lets you onto their website to take a… glorified personality test. The test itself is a little weird, but the end result was pretty darn cool.

Below is what the test said about me. I’m curious about what you think. Does it describe me? Is it accurate?

Achiever

Your Achiever theme helps explain your drive. Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself. And by “every day” you mean every single day—workdays, weekends, vacations. No matter how much you may feel you deserve a day of rest, if the day passes without some form of achievement, no matter how small, you will feel dissatisfied. You have an internal fire burning inside you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon it rekindles itself, forcing you toward the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But it will always be with you. As an Achiever you must learn to live with this whisper of discontent. It does have its benefits. It brings you the energy you need to work long hours without burning out. It is the jolt you can always count on to get you started on new tasks, new challenges. It is the power supply that causes you to set the pace and define the levels of productivity for your work group. It is the theme that keeps you moving.

Ideation

You are fascinated by ideas. What is an idea? An idea is a concept, the best explanation of the most events. You are delighted when you discover beneath the complex surface an elegantly simple concept to explain why things are the way they are. An idea is a connection. Yours is the kind of mind that is always looking for connections, and so you are intrigued when seemingly disparate phenomena can be linked by an obscure connection. An idea is a new perspective on familiar challenges. You revel in taking the world we all know and turning it around so we can view it from a strange but strangely enlightening angle. You love all these ideas because they are profound, because they are novel, because they are clarifying, because they are contrary, because they are bizarre. For all these reasons you derive a jolt of energy whenever a new idea occurs to you. Others may label you creative or original or conceptual or even smart. Perhaps you are all of these. Who can be sure? What you are sure of is that ideas are thrilling. And on most days this is enough.

Strategic

The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, “What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?” This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path—your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: “What if?” Select. Strike.

Learner

You love to learn. The subject matter that interests you most will be determined by your other themes and experiences, but whatever the subject, you will always be drawn to the process of learning. The process, more than the content or the result, is especially exciting for you. You are energized by the steady and deliberate journey from ignorance to competence. The thrill of the first few facts, the early efforts to recite or practice what you have learned, the growing confidence of a skill mastered—this is the process that entices you. Your excitement leads you to engage in adult learning experiences—yoga or piano lessons or graduate classes. It enables you to thrive in dynamic work environments where you are asked to take on short project assignments and are expected to learn a lot about the new subject matter in a short period of time and then move on to the next one. This Learner theme does not necessarily mean that you seek to become the subject matter expert, or that you are striving for the respect that accompanies a professional or academic credential. The outcome of the learning is less significant than the “getting there.”

Adaptability

You live in the moment. You don’t see the future as a fixed destination. Instead, you see it as a place that you create out of the choices that you make right now. And so you discover your future one choice at a time. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have plans. You probably do. But this theme of Adaptability does enable you to respond willingly to the demands of the moment even if they pull you away from your plans. Unlike some, you don’t resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours. You expect them. They are inevitable. Indeed, on some level you actually look forward to them. You are, at heart, a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling you in many different directions at once.

Went down to get a Butterfinger from the vending machine the other, and it spawned a whole set of memories. The vending machine was one of those old spiral ones where you punch in codes, and it drops the candy bar in the tray.

When I was really little (maybe 4?) my dad used to take me to swim practice. We were in Sherbrook, I believe. I want to say it was the local YMCA, but Google Maps tells me there aren’t any in Sherbrook.

I don’t remember much about it… I remember there was this a pretty blond instructor who thought it was cute when I tried to speak French. She would put big black tire tubes around us and instruct us to kick with are hands against the drain. The pool was large one, with a stainless steel drain that ran all the way around the edge and a highdive diving board at one end.

At the end of evey class we would have free time, where we could cease the ordered calisthenics and do as we pleased. The shallow end was pretty shallow, and most kids were content to splashing one another or spinning in their tubes to make themselves dizzy.

I had my eyes on the deep end.

A number of spare tubes were drifting about, discarded by some girls who were clinging to the ladder off to one side.
When I was sure the instructor wasn’t looking, I slipped low in my tube so that only my nose was above water, and moved slowly toward the deep end. I looked like one of the spare tubes!

The pool was divided by a spare plastic Olympic lane divider, the kind that doesn’t use rope. Because of that, the water in the high dive area was sheltered from the rowdiness, and was glassy smooth. I slipped under the barrier and floated put into the middle with my tube.

It was magical. The tile of the pool was deep blue, and looking below me, it seemed to go on forever. The vaulted ceiling was criscrossed with corrugated tin and steel beams, with aluminium mercury vapour lamps dotting every 50 feet or so.
The water below me was so warm, clear and smooth, I felt like I was floating on nothing, suspended in the very center of this great expanse.
It was both thrilling and terrifying.

Eventually of the kids spied me and yelled, and the teacher fished me out with a long pole.

Afterwards, I would go to the locker room. They had a giant shower with dozens of nozzles. I would stay in the pool as long as possible. Partly because I loved the water, and partly because I was shy.
When I finally did get to the showers, it was usually empty.
I’d point a couple of the showerheads at one spot and sit on the floor in my swimtrunks, water coming at me from all sides. I would just stay there, crosslegged, feeling the water all around me.

One time a teenaged boy came by concerned and asked why I was crying. I explained that I was fine, and what looked like tears was just the water coming off my eyelashes.

When I got out, I would dry off with my sailboat beach towel and stand under the blowdryers.

My dad would be waiting out in the lobby, a large open space that reminded me of an airport. Though, I guess everything was really big at that age…
They had the spiral vending machines off to one end, and he’d always let me buy something. He’d let me hit the buttons, and I’d always be afraid I’d get the code wrong.
Usually got Bounty (it’s like Almond
Joy, but their whole thing is this island theme) or Rolo, my dads favourite.

So crazy. I hadn’t thought about it for years.

So, this morning, Nya climbed out of her crib, went into the bathroom, plugged up the sink with the toothpaste tube, then left the water running. The water covered the bathroom floor, then spilled down, soaking the kitchen ceiling, then the kitchen floor.
Then she took out Tamika’s makeup, smeared it all over herself, then dumped and smeared the rest all over the no-longer-cream-coloured carpet.
We then caught her, cleaned up the mess, and put her back to bed.

She got up again.
This time, she went into her brother’s room, climbed in a storage bin of his clothes, and threw them all over the floor. The. She took all the blankets out of another bin, threw them in Arion’s crib, climbed in, and as a finale, dusted herself and her brother, and the entire vicinity with baby powder.

Lord help us.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-fWDrZSiZs

Video’s kinda corny, but the lyrics are powerful.

I’m trying to pull it together. I’ve got a lot of things to do, and I’ve got to kick it into high gear. I’ve been going to bed early and everything, but I’m still tired. I kinda feel like all that me going to be early has been doing is letting me procrastinate from the things I’ve got to do. I’m not quite BEHIND on anything (except maybe Moment), but I have the nagging feeling that if I don’t work hard, I won’t stay ahead.

Brightline is going really well. I’m working on this amazing kiosk for a big car company. They’ve been letting me do some pretty cool stuff, and I sent off the final designs to them this afternoon. My boss, Erik, was out with his laptop at a meeting, and gave me a call complimenting me on the designs. It felt really good!

Just polished off a turkey club at Della Rosa’s, a restaurant bar in the 1st Mariner Bank building.
Tamika had a lacrosse game this morning (playing, not coaching), and the bar sponsors the team, so we all came here for lunch.
Wasn’t the best game, the team struggled for the points they did get. Think I got some decent shots, though, I’ll put them up if they’re any good. Hopefully the camera card won’t go corrupt this time… Last time we were at one of their games, I took a beautiful shot of the team but the whole card went bad and I lost all the pictures. 🙁

The show went really well!
The place was packed. 50? 60 people? Not sure, but it was standing room only.
A lot of people. Steve Wilkes (my former coworker) showed up with his girlfriend, as did Barry Liebowitz and his wife.
Tamika had it pretty rough the first hour… Normally Joe Squared gives the band a massive free pizza, but it didnt happen. Tamika hadn’t eaten all day. But once our set ended, we scarfed down a crab pizza and a pair of Natty Bohs and she was fine.
We all played well. We probably needed to turn down a bit, but all in all I think we sounded good.
I set up my 7D on a tripod and tried to film it, but I think I only got 12 minutes. If any of it is decent, I’ll YouTube it.
Benji, the guy who did our demo recordings was also there, and recorded the show on his handheld audio recorder. He said if it’s any good he’ll send it to us.
I’m beat! Time for bed.