And so I’m sitting in my room… tears are seeping from my eyes.
I’m not really sick anymore.
I woke up at 10 today, so I’m not tired.
The light in here isn’t too dark, isn’t too bright.
And I’m not sad.
I’ve never felt this before. The only way I can describe it is… tears of joy. That’s that they are. I’m crying, and I’m happy.
She called me on her ride home. Just to talk to me.
Not midway, not nearing the end, she called right after she left her parent’s house, and I talked to her all the way home.
I was just rising out of the tub when she called, sighing and wondering what time it was and when she would call tonight… 11, perhaps… since she and Vinny were going to hang out tonight. Putting down my battered copy of Malcolm X that I had been reading and reached for my towel, the phone rang. I’d brought it into the bathroom… just… in case…
I always did.
I dried the right side of my face and put in the earphone, shaving and brushing my teeth while she told me about her day, the dreams she had, her visit to her grandmother, and how God had worked out everything that had gone on with her mom that day.
And I was happy.
I dressed, and lounged on the futon, telling her of how I’d ran today and how the designs for Echoes Recording and Sophia Electric were coming.
She hung up once she got to her house, she had brought Wendy’s for Vinny and her to eat, and I went to work on the Sophia Electric Forum. She promised to call back around 11ish to have a Bible Study.
I finished up everything I could do offline with the Forum, and began to design the surprise Jamie Cullum & Stacey Kent album I was working on for Tamika. I turned on some Stacey Kent to get in the mood and edit which songs I wanted to put in.
And I started crying.
It’s been a week. One week that we’ve officially been together, though no one but we were surprised. But… Maybe I was in a daze. Maybe in denial. Maybe in shock still, that this was too good to be true. That every dream I’d ever had and every feeling I’d ever wished to feel suddenly is coming crashing together in this… one… girl.
And tonight, sitting listening to Stacey Kent’s “You’ve got a Friend”, I realized… I realized that all the wounded yearnings I had for other people all across the haphazard minefield that was my youth… she felt for me.
The strength, intensity, selfless, unconditional love I had felt… she suddenly and marvelously felt for me.
God gave me a hug.
I was warmed, and burst. Salt water welled up and bubbled at the corner of my eyes. I was almost glad she wasn’t here at the moment. Almost. This was to strong… but the things was, I knew she’d understand…
I cried for a while, just thinking. Realizing that the pain I had went through amplified how I felt now rather than snuffing it out. I’m in love.
For a week, I was in shock.
She held my hand in the mall, shared popcorn with me in the movies, caressed me in front of my roommates, popped doors open for me, took me out to dinners, hugged me tighter than anyone had before… and just LOOKED at me. Straight into me. With eyes so deep and brown it hypnotized me into a complete and utter trance.
And tonight, I awoke and realized what I had said was true.
I am in love.