Song playing: DJ Bobo – Somebody Dance With Me
I might add, usually the songs listed in my journals most often are very relevant to the entry. Just a note… reread some if you don’t believe me. 😛
Sometimes my naivety really really helps. Because if I let myself, I can be so happy for the smallest reasons.
This week, I’ve gotten two meals a day for free. It’s been kinda nice. I’ve just been paying close attention to seminars and stuff on campus where there’s been free food, and have been fortunate enough to be able to attend.
But that’s not what’s made me happy.
Things seemed to have repaired with Inya. I made some pretty bad mistakes, and they’re seeming to heal better than ever. She was who I hung out with the most before I had told her that I had a crush on her. Things kind of fell apart after that, and I got smacked in the face for being honest (NO, not literally). I just jumped the gun. And consequently, shoved away my closest confidant. And my … best friend.
However, things changed this week. We merged in walkways, fall leaves blowing around us. I was happy. She was sweet. We talked a lot. Our classes faded and conversation flared. We walked. We parted. I met her again after gospel choir. I had rode my skateboard down rather than my moped for some reason, so for the first time in a while, I walked back. And I walked with her, Hope and Idiki. Idiki parted first. Then Hope. And I walked her to her dorm. The night was warm, so we just hung out in the courtyard and talked for over and hour. It was… nice. 🙂 She casually asked me if I knew what movie was playing. Bada bing. 🙂 We’re going to see Seabiscuit Friday night. I must say, I love watching movies with her.
It’s just… I feel so welcome with her. I’ve gotten over the feelings I had. They were premature, brash and a little awkward. A lot awkward.
I went through quite a bit, but God showed me I kinda needed to be more independent, and that I’ve been putting too much attachment into being in love. Of course; the break up with Caroline taught me that, but this helped drive it home.
So, I began working on becoming myself again. And it really helped. I fell lighthearted again. I feel comfortable with myself. Like fitting into a pair of jeans that are your perfect size.
She bumped into me this morning. I was up early, because I needed to work on ceramics, and went down to Eisenhower to get the movie tickets. The ticketmaster was busy, so I hung out in the Commons for a while. She bumped into me casually as I was looking at the movie posters. And we must have talked for a while.
I really value her friendship. It’s so refreshing, I feel at ease talking to her. She’s a wonderful person to listen to, but doesn’t leave you out of the conversation. She asks me my opinion and wants to know how I’m doing on stuff… It makes me feel happy. I usually don’t talk much in a LOT of conversation, unless it’s really close. Most people love to talk, so I simply egg them on and listen intently.
Conversely, things seem to be falling apart with Nina, at least over IM. I HATE IM. It’s so incredibly hard to read people over a digital medium. A lot of our conversations would have gone a lot better if I had been able to look her in the eye. I can’t feel her.
It seems like the friendship seems unstable at times, but then again we’ll talk more and everything will seem normal. *shrugs* I’m trying not to analyze it.
Yeah, I’m strange. At times I can read people’s feelings. And my dreams are prophetic. But what I’ve realized (from a good of mine, Saxton) is that I’m not weird. I’m abnormal. And if I was to be normal, I’d be like the rest of the shallow people in the world. I’m kind of glad I was built different.
I’ve got to get back to work, I have a ton.
But I’m feeling great, and had to get it down.