Song playing: Usher – U Remind Me
Aloha.
To all of you on DA, I’m terribly sorry I haven’t been around. The only reason I’m writing to you now is that I’ve got a minor injury that prevents me from doing some ceramics work. I fell on my hand during volleyball yesterday. I didn’t notice anything at first, but when I got down to the lab, I found I couldn’t throw a single pot. Oh well. My first 0, I guess.
I’ll most likely be back during breaks or something, but in the mean time, please forgive me. I’m just unable to read everyone’s submissions.
Life is getting interesting.
Pagoda has been going well (at least what practices I have been able to attend). I know the boys from the band will lynch me when they hear what’s been keeping me occupied, but it’s about time I said it. Mostly it’s been because I’ve been hanging out with Nina and Inya a lot. Though Pagoda practices are usually on the weekends when I normally don’t have much to do, I’ve been pretty much booked solid (always ahead of time, I might add).
Almost every weekend I’ve been spending time with those two. Inya has invited me to a few things, and Nina and I have agreed to go together to a few things.
I’m not sure about Inya. We are very very good friends, but I’m not sure if it is possible to get any deeper than casual, and I’m not sure either one of us wants to. It’s becoming more and more apparent that the colour barrier is a bit too much for her.
It seems there’s something there. Something that keeps anything from happening, though something could. There is still tension, simply because she still sees me as a white boy.
Regardless to how little of me culturally or how little of my personality is “white”, there is still an inhibition. Perhaps it’s to do with appearances, and how we might appear when we’re together. I don’t know. But there’s something. And so, I’m looking at ways to keep from getting to close and yet not disrupting anything. Because it seems though she enjoys being around me at times; as soon as someone mentions anything, it becomes weird.
Nina, on the other hand. On the extreme other hand.
She has been just “happening” 🙂 to meet me outside after my Ceramics classes. My class is out at 4:30-5:00ish, and her’s doesn’t begin until 6:00. So, we’ve been finding ourselves talking. You may remember how we met and what we did this summer.
The thing is, the more we’ve talked, the more we’ve found we have in common. I went to see The Matrix with her, and then Bend it like Beckham (both really good movies I might add).
It went back and forth, occasional talking after classes and the like. We went to the ISA picnic yesterday, and she gave me a CD with music from Bend it like Beckham, and I asked for her screen name.
Then things really took off.
I’ve been kinda shy around her for some reason, but getting on IM got us truly alone. We’ve talked for hours the past tow nights, about lots and lots of stuff. We’ve got a lot more in common that we initially realized. Things began happening again. We both confessed to each other we had crushes on each other since the summer, and admitted that though we both wanted to get closer, we were afraid of hurting the other. It seemed so crazy, how much everything seemed to be fitting together, but I’m still unsure of how this is going to end up.
I’m not sure if I’d like to accelerate this as fast as the momentum might take it.
For one thing, I really want to get to know her a lot more. I want to have it grow as a friendship, even though it has the strong potential of growing as a relationship.
There is also a incongruity with faith right now; she’s been going through a lot with rediscovering herself and how her faith ties into it, and that seems a bit too unstable right now. I wouldn’t want to say anything that might damage her.
There’s a slight complication of the future, which is the main reason for keeping it as friends. In May, we both graduate. I plan on going to Australia, she plans on going to New York City. What happens at that point neither of us have any idea, but I don’t want to get so deep with her that our departure might hurt her.
A big factor for me is the fear of how familiar this feels. This type of serendipitous coincidental (providential?) meeting is exactly how Caroline and I first met. So similar that is scares me. I’d never want to repeat what happened at the end with Caroline. Ever ever ever. Nor would I ever want Nina to go through what Caroline went through.
The bizarre thing is, Nina even has slight physical relationship to Caroline. It’s not terribly similar, but it’s not impossible to see it. It’s not what caught my eye, nor does it really matter to me, but it’s enough to make me cringe every time I hear the chorus “She reminds me of a girl that I once knew”.
So. Friends. And we’ll see what happens.
Ciao.