Rusted

Song currently playing: Harry James – All or Nothing at All

Aloha.

The song could also be heart in a blender. Just hit puree.

In talked with Inya again. She doesn’t feel it. She thought about it. It’s not there. I cordially retracted. We still vibe as friends, but I’m not sure how she feels. I think maybe something was hurt. I hope not. If anything at all, I don’t want her hurt. I felt something. She didn’t. I withdrew.
I don’t know.
It hurts.
I told her it wouldn’t.
I told her not to worry about it, and I was convincing enough that she won’t.
Too much, anyways.
I’m stupid.
I talk to much.

I’m still… I don’t know.
I still feel like I should write to Caroline. That in and of itself is enough to give me frayed edges.

And all this, and Nina.
I’m ripping in every place but the seams and it’s painful.
And I’m trying to keep a poker face.
She’s suddenly discovering herself… and it’s beautiful.
I don’t know how to feel, because I’m so emotionally worn… but I want to take care of her.
I want to help her.
And I’m rusting from the inside out.
My pauses, my ends of phrases, the darkness of my eyes… I feel like she might… might feel… that I don’t care.
And I don’t want her to feel that, because I do care.
But I’m so battered from this storm, I’m not sure how much of me is believable anymore.

And at the same time, I don’t want to get to close.
Scratch that, I do.
Too much. I need hugs so bad, but I know if I got one in just the right place I would self destruct. It would be over. Everything would come apart.
That’s not a good idea right now.
I need to repair. I need to physically repair myself right now. Or else I won’t be able to do it again.

Somehow, I feel God still. I don’t know how. He’s helping me out. Somehow. I… just need his help.

Retreat, Pagoda, Nina, & Ramong

Song Playing: Superchic[k] – Wonder

Finally, Fall Break.
This week was a demonic incarceration of the flames of hell, released within the minds of my professors who believe they only class I have is with them.

Blasted Graphics class. I was going to go to work up in the Graphics Lab today, and discovered Prof. Hettinga had only put the names down of the students she likes to let into the lab this weekend. Oh well. I’m tired of dealing with it, I’m not making graphics for her, I’m making it for myself.

Last weekend.
Oie, last weekend. It’s been a while since I’ve written my journal.
Last weekend was awesome. I spent the entire weekend at a retreat with ISA. A lot of people went. I ran around all over the place, and spent the time playing volleyball, Frisbee, playing piano… running around like mad. We stayed at a camp about 15 minutes away from the college. The weather was fantastic, it was really windy, with gigantic clouds the size of city blocks thundering overhead. The weather was cool, but the sun was bright and made things pretty toasty if you stayed out of the wind. I climbed over the fence and went swimming in the pool. It was pretty chilly, but I got used to it pretty quick, and just dove over and over again. It was exactly like I used to swim back home. It was great.
Afterwards I climbed up on the roof of the porch off the building we were staying at and sunbathed. I had invited Nina along, and she climbed up and lay up there with me. We just napped for a while, until it got too hot, then went inside and napped the rest of the day away.
In the evenings, we played Moment. The final copy is all printed out, and works exactly as I hoped it would. Nina and I played alone the first night, staying up ‘till 3 just talking, and then played again the next night, that time with a bigger crowd. The discussions got very deep. Nina answered very tactfully. The people who played the next night were Chelsea, Jessie Masai, Bret & Shawn Davis, a new girl who’s a transfer student, Suje, Nina, Luke & Luke’s girlfriend. Susie and Chelsea also answered very very well, as did Jessie. Bret and Luke proved they really couldn’t get a hang of the game, and Shawn and the new transfer student started out silly and then improved. Valerie Ong also joined later on. She started out very very silly, but then got into it later on. Suje made the comment later that she wanted to get to know me better. I’m not quite sure what to make of that yet.
Nina and I got to talk a bit more, and I noticed people picking up on it. Most people were too busy, but I noticed other people seeing the closeness and drawing conclusions. I didn’t care too much, but I noticed.
It stormed during the middle of the latter game, and because the barn we slept in had a tin roof, everyone jumped up to see. I pulled open the garage door and we all watched it a bit. All of a sudden, Nina bolts out the door, flying out into the grass, dancing all over the place. I took one look, took of my glasses, and bolted out after her. We danced in the rain for a while. 🙂 Suje came out and joined us later. We danced out there until we got cold, then ran back inside and bundled up in blankets and continued our game. 🙂
I got to talk with Kevin, the speaker. He used to go to Messiah and married a girl from the Dominican Republic, if I remember right. He now works for the college. He brought up some very interesting subjects, including working on being more aware of where you are for the time being, and also about talking with professors more and asking them personal questions. I talked to him a lot, interestingly enough starting out with a conversation about his jealously with my voice! (I can sing very very deeply)

Skip to this weekend (suffice to say I worked myself silly after that).
Thursday Pagoda had it’s first official show. I invited Nina long, and Phil Bert and Min also came along. Once we got their, however, we all realized that the bar wouldn’t allow them inside. I felt like a complete fool. Nina doesn’t turn 21 until October 15, and somehow I was so excited it completely slipped my mind. The bouncer believed my ID (of course), but Nina, Min & Phil were forced to go to an Ice Cream shop. I felt like a crumb. Nina was a good sport about it, and took it well, but I felt so stupid. We actually played well. There was no one there, it was just some deserted bar out in the middle of nowhere. Reminded me too much of places from home, I think. Way too much. I did well, though, and we had a good effect on the house band (a band named Hydrate) and on the mixer guy named Digital Dave. 🙂 The lead singer to Hydrate came up to us afterwards and gave us a free copy of their pro-made CD. We chatted with him a bit and he referred us to a place that we might play at.
Lox let me drive the Trakker, and Nina rode with me. We had a good talk on the way home, especially about how I view things, things like seeing love, and seeing the world as beautiful. She thought about it a lot, and I think is opening up to me some more.

Fred, David & Luke have come up to me on separate occasions, asking me about Nina. I told them each time I didn’t think anything could happen, and I still don’t. We are heading two different ways. It’s not likely. I’m going to Australia eventually, and she’s going to NYC. Plus, I still feel I don’t know enough about her. Though there may be serendipitous stuff going on some of the time, I’m not sure about everything. I want to do what God wants me to do, and I feel like if God wants me to be with anyone, He’ll work it out.

I talked to Ramong last night. I knew there was something between him and Lalrem, and that then it had died. I knew. I had felt it when he had gotten here. I knew Lalrem had had a boyfriend back home, but I didn’t know it was him. It’s so weird when I sense things like that.
In any case, I also had detected weird stuff going on between her and Joseph too. Joseph has been hanging out with Melissa a WHOLE lot, much to the anger of his ex Elizabeth. He tries to hide it, but it got so apparent, that other people started picking up on it too. However, whenever he’s not with Melissa, it seems he has some sort of connection with Lalrem. He’s not the best guy for her, and so I talked to Ramong about it. He opened up the entire story to me. I could tell he’d been pretty down lately, and finally had the chance to talk. He had been dating Lalrem for the past 4 years, and she was the main reason he had come to college. But, two days after he got here, they broke up. They’re still friends, but he hurts so bad. I let him talk. She said she had changed, which is why she had broken up with him. They’re still friends, but it seems… I’m not sure yet. He asked me to look out for her, he still cares about her so much. I told him I would.

I went over to Grace’s room last night, her and Suje were there, and we just hung out for a while. I fell asleep there, and they covered me in a blanket and gave me a teddy bear. Silly girls. 🙂 I think Grace has a boyfriend back home, I’m starting to get a certain idea.

Thanks for all your comments on the logos, I put them up so my client could look at them but it was good to get some feedback too. I will be mostly putting up utilitarian stuff up, for work or school. I haven’t had much time for leisure.

Serendipidous Coincidential (Providential?)

Song playing: Usher – U Remind Me

Aloha.

To all of you on DA, I’m terribly sorry I haven’t been around. The only reason I’m writing to you now is that I’ve got a minor injury that prevents me from doing some ceramics work. I fell on my hand during volleyball yesterday. I didn’t notice anything at first, but when I got down to the lab, I found I couldn’t throw a single pot. Oh well. My first 0, I guess.

I’ll most likely be back during breaks or something, but in the mean time, please forgive me. I’m just unable to read everyone’s submissions.

Life is getting interesting.

Pagoda has been going well (at least what practices I have been able to attend). I know the boys from the band will lynch me when they hear what’s been keeping me occupied, but it’s about time I said it. Mostly it’s been because I’ve been hanging out with Nina and Inya a lot. Though Pagoda practices are usually on the weekends when I normally don’t have much to do, I’ve been pretty much booked solid (always ahead of time, I might add).

Almost every weekend I’ve been spending time with those two. Inya has invited me to a few things, and Nina and I have agreed to go together to a few things.

I’m not sure about Inya. We are very very good friends, but I’m not sure if it is possible to get any deeper than casual, and I’m not sure either one of us wants to. It’s becoming more and more apparent that the colour barrier is a bit too much for her.
It seems there’s something there. Something that keeps anything from happening, though something could. There is still tension, simply because she still sees me as a white boy.
Regardless to how little of me culturally or how little of my personality is “white”, there is still an inhibition. Perhaps it’s to do with appearances, and how we might appear when we’re together. I don’t know. But there’s something. And so, I’m looking at ways to keep from getting to close and yet not disrupting anything. Because it seems though she enjoys being around me at times; as soon as someone mentions anything, it becomes weird.

Nina, on the other hand. On the extreme other hand.
She has been just “happening” 🙂 to meet me outside after my Ceramics classes. My class is out at 4:30-5:00ish, and her’s doesn’t begin until 6:00. So, we’ve been finding ourselves talking. You may remember how we met and what we did this summer.
The thing is, the more we’ve talked, the more we’ve found we have in common. I went to see The Matrix with her, and then Bend it like Beckham (both really good movies I might add).
It went back and forth, occasional talking after classes and the like. We went to the ISA picnic yesterday, and she gave me a CD with music from Bend it like Beckham, and I asked for her screen name.
Then things really took off.
I’ve been kinda shy around her for some reason, but getting on IM got us truly alone. We’ve talked for hours the past tow nights, about lots and lots of stuff. We’ve got a lot more in common that we initially realized. Things began happening again. We both confessed to each other we had crushes on each other since the summer, and admitted that though we both wanted to get closer, we were afraid of hurting the other. It seemed so crazy, how much everything seemed to be fitting together, but I’m still unsure of how this is going to end up.

I’m not sure if I’d like to accelerate this as fast as the momentum might take it.
For one thing, I really want to get to know her a lot more. I want to have it grow as a friendship, even though it has the strong potential of growing as a relationship.
There is also a incongruity with faith right now; she’s been going through a lot with rediscovering herself and how her faith ties into it, and that seems a bit too unstable right now. I wouldn’t want to say anything that might damage her.
There’s a slight complication of the future, which is the main reason for keeping it as friends. In May, we both graduate. I plan on going to Australia, she plans on going to New York City. What happens at that point neither of us have any idea, but I don’t want to get so deep with her that our departure might hurt her.
A big factor for me is the fear of how familiar this feels. This type of serendipitous coincidental (providential?) meeting is exactly how Caroline and I first met. So similar that is scares me. I’d never want to repeat what happened at the end with Caroline. Ever ever ever. Nor would I ever want Nina to go through what Caroline went through.
The bizarre thing is, Nina even has slight physical relationship to Caroline. It’s not terribly similar, but it’s not impossible to see it. It’s not what caught my eye, nor does it really matter to me, but it’s enough to make me cringe every time I hear the chorus “She reminds me of a girl that I once knew”.

So. Friends. And we’ll see what happens.

Ciao.

Inya & Nina, Caroline & Kanke

There are a million things I should be working on, but I need to write.

This is where the true test of writing a journal entry comes in, because it is so… deep.

This is just a disclaimer. If you don’t want to know everything about the way I think, then please don’t read anymore. This journal speaks the truth.

I spoke with Inya last night.

Stop. Rewind. Play.

I spoke with Kankemwa last night.
She often comes to me for consolation. She broke up with her boyfriend a while back, but it’s still been affecting her. I often sit with her to help her work things out.
The issue was this: She wasn’t sure whether she should e-mail him again or not, because she was definitely feeling for him. I’m not going to go into the specifics, but I was egging her on to express her feelings, not now, but perhaps at a safe time.
Suddenly, she asked me if I had e-mailed Caroline. It’s been almost a full year since we broke up. She thought I should. I responded that I didn’t want to harass her anymore.
Kanke had lived across the street in the Girls Rafiki house when Caroline and I had broken up. She told me of a phone call they had received shortly after we broke up. Caroline had called the Girls and asked simply that they take care of me, because she knew I was going through a rough time.

I didn’t know what to say. Kanke looked me directly in the eye, and asked me if I was willing to put everything on the line simply because I didn’t e-mail her.
I brushed it off and laughed, remarking that it was her who was supposed to be being counseled.
But the thought stuck with me.
It’s been a year.
And I still feel like I forgive her, even after all the hurt.
I wonder how she’s going…

Later that night, Inya called.
I had said something awfully stupid to her the other night when we had been talking in my office, and it had been eating away at me for the past while. She had said at the time that she didn’t want to talk about it, so I stayed away from the topic. She quickly changed the subject, but I could tell something was different.
We began talking on the phone. I had (have? I don’t know) a crush on her at the end of the summer, and suddenly as we were talking I realized something was different about her too. I asked if we could talk in person. I went over to South Complex, and we sat in the lounge.
We’ve been very good friends for a while. I apologized profusely. I’d realized that something was changing about the way I was feeling about her, and had tried to bring a skidding relationship back to the friendship that was. She’s Nigerian, and there are a million little things that added up could make it very very hard for her if anything were to ever happen between us. I didn’t want to do anything stupid, so I tried to keep it low. But in the process, I also tried to ignore hints from her that she was letting me into a circle of friends that she rarely lets anyone into.
And the other night, those two worlds had collided.
Last night, we talked until 3. And we spelled out everything. Or at least, mostly I did. She still wasn’t sure. But I felt the need somehow to be direct with her about how I felt, simply so we don’t have to keep playing these games until someone gets hurt.
The strange thing was, it didn’t end when I told her. We talked about all kinds of things afterwards. Whatever happens, I hope we’re still friends.

When I got home, I found a note on my instant messenger, Nina hadn’t been able to sleep, and obviously had needed someone to talk to.
But she was gone.

I feel weird. Nothing has happened. According to everything official, we’re all still friends.
But what my friendship with Inya, Nina & Caroline constitutes I have absolutely no idea.

Cacophony.
I’m not sure how to make sense of it all.
I need to think.
I need them to think.
I need peace.

I’m graduating in MAY.

SCS, $chool, & Sketching

Song currently playing: Ace of Base – Change with the Light

So, here I sit, at a laptop.
It’s welcome week here at college, and the past three days have been insane. Every single freshman has a computer this year, I swear. And since there have been 3 class Four viruses going around, we’ve asked that everyone bring their PCs and laptops down here to be cleaned.
Consequently, that’s all I’ve done for the past 3 days.
I don’t mind it much, though. My boss has been really cool and given us subs and pizza and lots and lots of root beer.

I went down the business office last Friday, and they said they’d give me an extension if I brought in the 1000$ I had on Monday (which I did). I will pay a 1% interest on the remaining balance every month, but it’s ok. At least I’m here.
Naturally my parents went into a panic, and offered me money. I need to call them, though, because I’m not sure if I should take it. My little sister is going to college this fall, and money will even be tighter. I don’t know what to do. I need to call them, but our phones have been down, and when they are working I happen to get home late.

I’ve also been trying to get a hold of Prof. Feiser. He wants to do an independent study with me on cartooning, since our school currently does not offer it. But again, with the phones being down, it’s been tough. Most likely I’ll be able to call him today after work, though.

Regina is now working with me. She was interested in working for SCS last year, and so consequently, I did everything in my power to land her the job. And she did. She is very very smart, and a quick learner.
AND, since I have the most hopeless crush on her, it makes my work days go by incredibly fast.
You might remember that episode in which I visited her room.
But now I’m finding it incredibly easy to talk to her.
We got assigned to finish wiring up Boyer 2nd floor, and Berte (my boss) asked me to show her around and teach her the ropes of being a lab manager. She’s going to be a lab manager this year, and so am I. 😀

We spent several hours up there, just talking about all kinds of things, about her country & mine, about life at Messiah, about God & life… the time went so fast and the job got done so quickly we both were amazed.

It’s really nice to work with her, she’s so cheery and friendly and… frankly very very cute. 😀

She’s scheduled to work tomorrow, and Berte told me she might call me if she needed me. We’ll see.

Girls, Girls, and More Beautiful Girls

Song currently playing: Rage Against the Machine – Calm like a Bomb

Oie.

So, all the freshman International Students arrived this week.
And, the majority of them are girls.
And, since I’ve been hanging out with Inya and Setti, the word is spreading fast that I’m a nice guy.

NOT that that’s a bad thing, BUT there are a short supply of guys here, and those that are here are either very very immature; or not interested in girls at all. AND, since Valerie asked me my age last night; it’s spreading fast that though I’m a senior, I’m only a year older than the freshmen. 😛

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining… 😛
But it does get me awfully confused.
It’s hard for me, because when I have this many female friends, I get paranoid. It gets harder and harder to tell which attitudes are friendly and which are looking for something deeper. At the same time, I can tell a certain number of them are getting deeper and it gets me scared because I don’t want to hurt any of them.
I feel at times I’m not paying enough attention to some of them. And then when I do, I feel like I spending too much time with them and not with someone else.

I end up retreating to secluded places by myself to think; but invariably one of them finds me in the now-labeled “romantic” spot and then I get drawn into conversations with them.

I don’t think it’s wrong, its simply that I don’t know most of them enough to get this deep. But at the same time, I don’t want to scare them off in hopes that perhaps they might be the PERFECT person to get deep with.

So, for now, I’m doing my best to remain as friends, but with a friendship so deep as might be accustomed by a trusted confidant (which to many I already am).

My only resolution is to keep watching and be very considerate of who I choose to make deeper friends with.

Money, Birthday, & Books

Well, I talked to my dad last night…

My sister was online and I yakked with her for a while, and asked her if dad was around. He was sleeping, but she woke him up. I felt bad, but I usually get back so late. That’s why I haven’t called lately, but last night was an emergency. It’s even worse that I don’t have an actual phone plan, so I always have to call collect.

It turns out I’d never be able to make it to my sister’s party, because the train schedule to Connecticut is funky.

The money situation does not look good, but I’m going to the business office today to see what I can do. Maybe they’ll except a partial payment. I dunno. We’ll see. I’m going to run the book business for all it’s worth, so maybe I’ll be able to scrape together a little extra money. Actually, if they kick me out of college, it might be nice to vagabond for a while on the motorcycle.

I got it insured yesterday, Progressive should be sending me the insurance card soon. It only cost 101$ for the ENTIRE YEAR. I got some extra coverage because it was so cheap.

I went with Setti, Helina, and Agaba to the airport last evening to pick up some new international students.
Helina and Agaba were rather loud and argued about everything the entire way there and back, but I had some nice conversations with Setti while we waited.

We picked up Karin Clinton and her brother and mother first; she’s from the Bahamas, and she’s going to be an accounting major. She’s very confident it seems, not worried about anything. A very nice girl. She and her family went to a hotel.

Wee Lee, a new student from Malaysia, came late because he got pulled aside by the customs people. We checked with the airline, though, and found out that he would be coming on the next flight; so we waited for him. He’s a nice kid, bright and easy going. He’s thinking about being an economics major.
He slept at the Rafiki House, because they had no key for his dorm (incompetent schmucks, that’s some welcome). Anyhow, he seemed to enjoy the house, so I think he’ll like it here.

We didn’t bring any signs, because I refuse to. I love watching people in airports. 9 times out of 10 I can guess who the person we’re picking up is. Some of you may remember that I have this sense to tell what people are feeling?
I like standing by the terminal door and let their thoughts wash over me. And if you watch hard enough, you can find them alright. I picked them both out right away, even though the information they had given us was wrong. They told us Karin was from Mexico, and we didn’t know whether Wee Lee was a boy or a girl!
It was fun, though. Helina and Agaba were freaking out that we’d never find them, even after I reassured them that I had never missed anyone that had been my fault. (I had missed one, but it turned out that their flight was canceled, so it wasn’t my fault). Setti thought it was cool, so she hung out with me while I watched.

I’m going to the business office at lunch. Wish me luck!

New Rafiki, Money & Birthdays

Song currently playing: “John Williams – Hook Theme”

The new Rafiki House is everything we expected it to be and more. The place is beautiful. Two years of protesting, rallys, and meetings have finally paid off. The house has returned to it’s previous state at last.
People are over every night, often until 1 or 2 in the morning. It’s so wonderful to spend time with such close friends again.

Lalrem has been over to the house a lot, though I’m beginning to see that she doesn’t find guys like me to her liking. She seems to gravitate towards those in the group that are a little more shady and deceitful. We’ve still been hanging out a lot, though, we play together almost every night. Her on the guitar and me on the piano; we’ll bang out songs by Weezer, Guns n’ Roses and Collective Soul.

The motorcycle is running great. It’s such a beautiful machine. It doesn’t have a license plate or insurance yet, so I’ve been riding around and around campus on it; staying away from public roads. Shifting is hard to learn, but I’ve got the hang of it really good now. I’m even getting smooth with the turn signals.

The moped runs great with it’s new spark plug, but the front tire went flat. I think I’ll have to patch it up sometimes soon. It’s going to be my main transportation in the winter.

I kinda in a bad way money wise. I just got a letter from the college saying I owe them 3,500$ for tuition by the 25th of August. It’s a lot more than I expected, and I only have half of that in the bank. I don’t know what I’m going to do about it. I don’t think my parents can help me out this year; they’re kinda hard on cash at the moment. I’m going to go down to the business office and see if I can get an extension until December. I should have enough by then.

My parents want me to come to Connecticut this weekend, it’s my sister’s birthday. I really want to go, but they don’t know the money situation yet. They want to buy me a train ticket to come. I’m going to call them tonight.

I must get back to work.

SCS, Passage to India, & New Rafiki

Song currently playing: [b]Bond – Oceanic[/b]
If you haven’t heard this group and love classical or techno, you have to listen to them. They’re an all-female string quartet, and their music is amazing.

Work has gotten a little busier, we’re wrapping things up down at Boyer and putting the final touches on the lab installations. It’s just about done, but my boss has to go over an check one small thing; because they didn’t make the holes in the desks big enough for the power plugs. 😀

On Wednesday I went out to Passage to India, a rather good Indian restaurant in Harrisburg. Nina, Lalrem, Inya, Regina, Collins, Joseph, David, Uma, Priscilla, Ellen, Ria, Angie, Setti and Agaba all went, all in honour of Lalrem and Collins’ birthday. We had to sit at two separate tables, unfortunately.

I knew the food was going to take a while; so I decided to go out for a walk down the Susquehanna River. I swear, Harrisburg has the most beautiful set of bridges this side of Rome. The sun was setting, and people were out in motorboats. It was very humid and hazy, and without too much imagination I could believe I was in another country. It was cool by the river, and I walked a while.

I got back just in time for the food to arrive. I had ordered a Chicken dish (I can’t remember the name it’s a long one that starts with an X) and Mango Lassi (if you’re ever in an Indian Restaurant, order Mango Lassi. It’s a heavenly iced drink with Mango, ice, yogurt, and pistachio) The recipe is here if you want it [link] I love Indian food, but I think I got slightly sick from Setti’s dish (there was something wrong with it). Everything else was delicious.

We all went for a short walk after dinner, breaking up into small groups, and I got to talk to Nina some more. We ran around through the arches along the riverwalk, and Uma teased me to no end (she loves doing that).

I had lunch with Nina yesterday…

I “happened” to go for lunch 10 minutes early.
I suppose in the back of my mind I knew I was doing it, because I rushed to get the PCs I had to install done before lunch. I’d been installing Teacher Stations in Jordan and Kline. It’s a pain to do that, because the DVD players and VCRs in each classroom are all chained down, and the computer’s wires have to weave into that tangled mess (when you have projectors in classrooms, you end up having a lot of wires).
I got done early, though, and walked on down to the Falcon.

My thoughts were buzzing, and (among other things) I wondered if I would meet her. Lost in my thoughts, I rounded the corner and almost walked right into her!
She smiled, I recovered, and asked her if she was going to lunch. We hopped down the stairs.

Lunch was good, I made myself a sandwich and a Benjamite Frapuccino, and she got herself some chicken fingers.
She was quicker than me, naturally, and got a seat right past the register. She smiled as I checked out, and I joined her. We talked for a while, slowly eating our lunch. We talked mostly of her. She’s living in Harrisburg next year, in apartments that the college is lending out. I rather like Harrisburg, and know my way around there well. Her apartment isn’t ready yet, however, apparently the renovations scheduled to be done aren’t going to be completed in time for the move. Unfortunately, she won’t be around for when they’re completed; so she’s moving temporarily into another apartment.
She’s going for a weeks’ vacation in New Hampshire, and I recommended visiting the Basin. The Basin is a gigantic natural formation of rocks several miles long that have been carved out by river and glacier. It’s a really cool place, one of my family’s favorite hangouts on our way down from Northern Quebec when we drive.

Priscilla eventually joined us, and we kept talking. Nina stayed longer than she usually does. I think they must know each other from previous, for some reason. Just a feeling.
Nina finally had to leave and go back to work, and Priscilla and I spoke longer.

I move to the new Rafiki House today; I got off work early so I can move everything. I have until 9:00 PM, but I think I’ll get done early so I can clean the old house for the next person in line. The new place is gorgeous, tan carpets, track lighting, sweet kitchen, and Ethernet in every room. It also has a basement lounge, which will have a TV, Ping Pong Tables, Couches, and will be open 24 hours. I can’t wait!
Cathy Poisez, the housing director is a little nervous, because they’re still doing renovations there as I write. I think they’re be done by noon, though. We’ll see.

In any case, the next time I’m online, I should be in my new house!!!

Beautiful Girls, Lottie, and Cleaning Up

Why is it that a girl can brush up to you at lunch, rub close, smile, say a few words and disappear… and you think about her the rest of the bloomin’ day?

Nina is a friend of mine. She is half Indian (from India) and half Filipino, and though we locked eyes some time ago and did the smile-when-you-see-them thing for the past two years, I’ve only actually properly met her the beginning of this summer.

It turns out we’d both been meaning to meet each other, though neither of us can explain why. She always was one of the first people into breakfast at 7AM, and consequently the first to leave. Her departure usually coincided with my arrival at 7:15, though she would always smile mysteriously before she left.
It was the smile that intrigued me, and persuaded me to shave off a couple minutes in the shower to meet her.
Finally, we sat at the same table at the same time.
People chattered around us, some dozing into their cereal bowls, others griping about the status of the eggs.
I had rushed in, as I usually did, picked out my food and sat down. She sat at the other side of the table, watching me curiously.
I chowed down, eggs, bacon, cereal, oatmeal,– wait.
She had been finished for some time now. He plate was empty, her glasses downed. She fiddled with her orange juice cup. She smiled.
I gulped down my mouthful of eggs, and took a sip of milk “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.”
She smiled, and stopped playing with the cup. “I don’t either.”
I smiled back. “I’m Benjamin Young Savage.”
“My name is Nina Solanki.”
“I’ve been meaning to meet you, but you always disappear before I can even get to the table. I’ve… seen you for a while, but just never got the chance; I suppose.”
“Yeah, me too.”
I raised my glass and took another swig. “You’re Indian, aren’t you? I noticed you wore a sari to the International Banquet this past year.”

…it went from there, even long after I had finished breakfast.

It turns out she’s kinda shy, and usually keeps to herself. Her summer job keeps her on the far side of campus, and she lives in a dorm that’s on the rim too because part of her job is being the hostess to the guest that stay there during the conferences.
She usually sits by herself in the dining hall too, but after I got to know her (ok, after the first day I met her) I began sitting at her table (asking cordially each time, of course). I tend to have the ability to transcend every “clique” anywhere by getting to know key members of the clique, so consequently people began following my lead and soon an entire new group formed.

Anyhow, I asked her for her phone number a week or two back, because she still stayed by herself in her room most nights. Almost every evening someone is usually planning something (movies, volleyball, ultimate Frisbee, shopping, road trips, etc.) and I thought it would be cool to get to know her more if I invited her along.
So, smiling, she gave it to me, and that evening I gave her a ring about a movie we were watching (Monsoon Wedding; good movie) and left her a message telling her to call me back even if she couldn’t make it.
She didn’t call me back.
I didn’t want to seem too pushy, so though I kept calling; I didn’t leave any more messages. I still wanted her to come, but didn’t want to be to extroverted and scare her off.

I hadn’t seen her for a little while, and though I kept calling her, she was never around. I think she went on vacation.

However, today I saw her again. Lottie was closed because they’re redoing the carpeting, so we ate lunch in the Falcon, an on-campus deli-style place. They have an ice cream bin with a lot more different kinds of ice creak bars than Lottie. I was standing there considering which to take, when suddenly she she moved up next to me, bumping me over.
“Hey you.” She smiled, “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Seen me? I’ve been calling all the time, but you’re never home…”
She looked at me wide eyed. “You have? But you only left one message…”
“Well, yeah. You didn’t call me back, so I didn’t want to be too intrusive… I still call you whenever anythings going on, though, but you’re never home…”
“Really? Well… um, I haven’t been around… but.. you can.. you can still leave messages, you know.. I don’t mind…”
“You sure? I don’t want to bug you..”
“No! I mean, it’s ok, you can call me..”
“Ok.” I smiled “I will.”

I picked out an ice cream bar. “I don’t think they’ll be much going on this week; with everyone moving.”
She picked out one too. “Oh, that’s fine.”
She smiled, and turned to her friends.
I turned to check out, glowing… for some reason…

Wait– she was heading the other way…
“Nina! Where are you sit– did you eat alrea–”
She turned. “Oh, I already ate. See you…”
She smiled, and disappeared.

I began singing softly to myself, and ended up singing the rest of the day.

Lois walked into the food court and smiled at me. She loaded up her tray, and met me at the beverages.
As we were pumping soda into our cups she looked over at me.
“Where are you sitting?” We asked simultaneously.
“Booth?” she inquired.
“Booth.” I grabbed another cup “Benjamite Frappuccino first. I’ll meet you there.” I

mixed myself some hot cocoa, French Vanilla cappuccinos, Mocha cappuccinos, ice, milk and a dash of coffee and headed to the booths.

Lois and I have been hanging out the past couple days. A good friendship is growing, I think. I’d been up to her room with Kanke almost every night since Friday, and on Saturday we went out to see S.W.A.T. (ok movie, typical good-cop/bad-cop movie, lots of explosions, and a girl that kicks butt. No sex, surprisingly though) with some friends (all girls). It was strange. We got there rather early, and since I was holding the door, I got into the seats last. Lois seemed to have arranged it so I sat next to her. Not only that, but she sat on my right. (good for conversation; since I’m deaf in my left ear).

Anyways, we sat there about a half an hour before the movie started, and got to talking. Something happened, though, and our thoughts kept matching up. That happens with me and other people sometimes, if we’re close friends. In any case, it happened quite a bit and even into the movie. I think she found it a bit strange, but intriguing. There’s definitely some kind of connection. How strong it is, I don’t know.

I do know she’s still looking for “the One” still, and it’s been discouraging after her ex boyfriend. She’s humorous about it, though. She’s a very very strong girl.
Whether I’m on her list or not I don’t know… I am white; and that’s not one of her major considerations it seems. I don’t know.
She seems to be looking at me different; though I don’t know in which way.

I’m so tired, I’ve spent the entire evening cleaning out the basement.

Goodnight…